"As you embark on the practice, and as you stay with the practice, it's best to think of it as a voyage of discovery. After all the Buddha says, the goal is to see what you've never seen before, to realize what you've never realized before, to attain what you've never attained before. So you are going into the unknown. This means that we are going to have to deal with risk and uncertainty, which requires an interesting mix of attitudes...on the one hand you need confidence and on the other hand you need humility. The confidence is...in your ability to deal with unknown factors as they arise. The humility means that you can't expect everything to fall into your preconceived notions...that the path is going to stretch your imagination and ask more out of you that you might originally be prepared to give. So on the one hand you need the confidence that yes you can do this and that yes this is a good place to go...and the humility to realize that you don't know beforehand what its going to be like...
...and there's going to a period of discomfort, there's going to be sometimes a sense of frustration when things are not quite working out the way you wanted them to. And you need the maturity to learn how to deal with that. This is not a path for immature people. This is a path for people who know they're in a very precarious situation already, and that their ideas and their assumptions are precarious. That they are the ideas and presumptions of a materialistic world view, which is what we're brought up in...[and that these views] have a very limited range, or that they offer a very limited range of happiness. Whereas the Dharma offers a lot more. And it is up to us to decide whether we're willing to make the sacrifices and take the risk to see if what the Buddha had to say is true."
-Thanissaro Bikkhu
Dharma Talk entitled "A Sense of Adventure"
Where were we...
12/2/11
I get onto a 7pm bus from Kathmandu to the Birganj (Nepali side) - Raxaul (Indian side) border crossing. I have been told numerous times by numerous people that, unless its necessary, I shouldn't cross there...Prassana told me it was like going to the worst place in India...but it is, geographically speaking, the most direct way to get down into Bihar (the region of India that contains Nalanda, Rajgir and Bodh Gaya and the remainder of my pilgrimage proper) and going all the way back up to Sonauli (the border crossing near Lumbini where I crossed into Nepal) would add half a day at least onto my journey...or so I thought. The bus starts moving around 7:30 and we're off...we are supposed to arrive in Birganj around 5am.
13/2/11
The ride is uncomfortable but I get a ten minute nap here and there. We stop so that the drivers can get some tea around 2:30 or so. I'm woken up at 3 or so by a poke poke at my arm just after dozing off...the driver tells me that, since there are only three or so of us that are going to Birganj...he doesn't really feel like going all the way. So he tells me that the bus behind ours will take us the rest of the way. So I grab my stuff and make my way to the other bus. I end up sitting on a small stool in the aisle for a half the journey or so...not comfy but it could be worse...(it does get worse haha). We arrive at Birganj around 4:20 am...its dark...and this place is a dinge pot...I hire a cycle rickshaw to take me to the border. We launch down the mile-long straight away...and about half way there the power goes off and the whole town is black. Its misty and cold and a little creepy, but I lean as far back as I can with the backpack and look up at the stars and feel a little better. We get to the border and I start to walk across. I make it to the Nepali guards who tell me that I have to wait for the office to open so they can stamp me out. The office opens at 6 am. I am a little tired but in no big hurry, and am pretty contented to be on the road again, excited to for my second round with India. I sit off to the side next to a little old guard shack...then I hear the buzzing...I forgot about the mosquitoes. I don't know if Nepal has some sort of bilateral agreement with the mosquitoes not to enter their territory, but they seriously wait for you at the border...I wonder what Nepal promised the little blood suckers to keep em out. I eat my remaining bananas and play my guitar for a few minutes...the guards are pretty fascinated. And then I take a look inside the guard shack...clearly not used anymore...dusty, small, filled with spiders and the like...but the wooden planks were looking like a pretty comfy bed at this point...so I bring my things inside and take a nap for maybe 20 minutes or so until the guard comes in to tell me the office is open.
I am stamped out and, with a big smile on my face, say goodbye to Nepal and head across the bridge to India. (aside: I remember when I was little I used to like it when my uncle came over...he was always pretty animated and entertaining...but...I knew that when he came over...he was going to pull me up by my head and shake me about...I don't know why he did it, but he did it all the time...he just liked to lift children by the head. I didn't really like this tradition...but its something I had to go through if I was going to spend time with him...like a rough handshake or a just-too-much pat on the back from an old friend...and then the rest is easy...I share this memory with you because it's a little what it felt like to be reunited with India after our two month separation.) Well...I walk through the cloud of mosquitoes and the gag on the smell of whatever is down below the bridge...I didn't see a sewer per se...or any animal corpses through the mist...but woah man! I make it to the "welcome to India" guy...I meet an interesting young American inside who is just coming from Bodh Gaya. We talk for a minute, wish each other a pleasant journey and then are on our separate ways. I warn him that if he can hold his breath for extended periods to do so on the way across the bridge.
The next step is to get to Patna, a decent size city which acts as a travel hub for the region. I am pointed in the direction of the bus...pay my ticket and sit in the back most row of a pretty dilapidated bus around 7am...and we're on the way. The window is stuck open and it is a cold and misty Indian morning. I was told that the trip to Patna is about five or six hours (the American said..."yeah, but it'll take a lot longer dude") and that the first two or so hours is the bumpiest road around. The road did indeed cause me to lift up out of my seat quite a few times. After three plus hours of driving through the rural landscape...we get on the highway and the flying up out of my seat stops.
...Then we stop...I am told (though in very broken English...which is a lot more than anyone else has tried on me since I got passed the guy who stamped me in) after quite some time that there was a murder on the road a couple kilometers up ahead and the villagers have blocked the highway...when will we be back on the road?...who knows, that's when. There are vendors popping up all over the road selling peanuts and grapes and the like. I wander about the road in a shaky daze for a while...I feel the exhaustion of the last 28 hours starting to take hold...but I manage to be present with the anxiety and, because there is no resistance, it loses its strength. I get back on the bus and try to curl up on the back row with my bags to take a nap. I think I got about a half hour but its hard to tell. It got hot while I slept...and now we're on an open highway with no shade and the temperature is climbing. After some time, I see some men grabbing their things and heading off the bus over to another bus...one of the men tells me that that bus "going Patna." I take him to mean that the other bus will, for whatever reason, be heading out before this one so I grab my things and am given a seat behind a door, which forces me in a 3x3x8' compartment with all my luggage...it wouldn't have been so bad if we were moving, but the bus becomes an oven and no one gives any sign that we will be moving any time soon. I try to nap...not happening. I read for a bit, but the concern, which hasn't even occurred to me until now, that I don't have very much water left and that its only getting hotter and I'm still on this evil chemotherapeutic medication which declares war on my tummy...and I'm getting pretty hungry...and so on starts to get to me. I recognize this as an interesting opportunity, meditationally speaking...due to being tired and not having slept really, I can't remember whether it's a samadhi (meditative concentration) day or a viriya (energy/strength) day...but then I realize it doesn't matter, because today, in this situation, right effort and a right use of my energy is to practice deep concentration and reserve the strength I have.
Long story short...after 5 hours and with two sips of rationed water left...we start to move...I don't know if the wind on my face has ever felt so good. Aniccia aniccia aniccia. We get to Muzaffarpur (another city, not quite the size of Patna) after 3 or so hours...I think its Patna cause, sans the time stopped on the highway, it has been 6 hours...I don't care about that though...I care that there is a guy selling eggs and toast just outside the bus...I eat two and feel like a living human being again.
It would have been two more hours to Patna but there is a traffic jam a couple k from the bus station...finally we are there...its dark now. I don't know anything about the city, didn't invest much time researching since I was planning on being in Rajgir by now (and because I asked one teacher if I should see it and he told me it was a "shit hole"). I hire a rickshaw after the usual fuss and hub hub at the bus station...make my way to a not in my budget hotel, since I really need a decent bed for one night after all this craziness (and I was hoping for a decent shower, but....). I order some Veg Kofta in the room...man I almost forgot how amazing Indian food is!...and out.
14/2/11
Today is the day that I realize that I am in love with India...I don't really know how to explain it...there wasn't one moment where it hit me. I know I said that I had mixed feelings about returning when I was in Kathmandu...and I don't know if its because it's the country I've dreamed about visiting for so long, or because of the pilgrimage, or the food, or the smells, or what lay ahead, or if I am on a high of being on my own schedule again or all of it or none of it...but despite (or because of) the dirt and the craziness and the delays and the noise and the bargaining and the complications...I find lately that where I am challenged, my Love seems to follow. I don't mean to belittle my time in Nepal...it was a meaningful and valuable set of experiences from which I learned much...I don't think I shall ever forget it...and I would like to go back and visit and continue to help in the region...but much of the time there I felt far from home (it is not lost on me that while staying with a family in a home environment, spending time with many who are in an established network of social relationships...it is perhaps easier to recognize the absence of one's own established network of freinds, family, etc.)...I was caught up in thoughts constantly...I did not have as much strength as I have here (I'm not sure of the exact nature of the causal relationship between that psycho-emotional weakness and my body's sickness while in Nepal...it seems likely that they played off of each other in both directions)...and its not that I feel "at home" in India exactly...but I don't feel far from home...if that makes sense. I said I didn't know how to explain it...but I am so happy to be back.
...anyways...
I wake up at a reasonable hour so that I can get a few things done. I talk to my Dad on his birthday and get to say hello to my grandma which is nice. The guy at the desk gives me a Valentine's day discount on my room, which although small, is appreciated. or I make my way over to the bus station and hop on a bus to Bihar Shariff since there are no direct buses to Rajgir. It is another six to seven hours before I arrive in Rajgir...glad I didn't try it the night before. I'm there after 36 hours on one of six buses. I make my way to the Burmese monastery to inquire about a room...the head honcho tells me that they are mostly full with Burmese pilgrims but that he has something for me. I see the accommodations and smile...(I remember when I was having a pre-trip meeting with one of my teachers at his home in LA and he asked me, "How are you at sleeping on tables?"...I told him that I didn't know especially, but figured probably not very good since I can't sleep on my back...the first time I slept in one of the Therevada monasteries...I understood what he meant.) The light doesn't work. There is no bathroom inside. And the beds are literally tables with a thin mat and a blanket on them (and when I wake up the next morning I feel like I have been beaten up in my sleep...but the familiar minor bruising is welcomed...it makes me feel stronger in the end.), but I am back on the pilgrimage route. I make a phone call to my Valentine which brings much joy and then to bed.
15/2/11 (Rajgir)
Shortly after shaving off his hair and doning the earth-colored mendicant's robe for the first time, Siddhattha walked 600 kilometers from Kapilavatthu to Rajagaha (Rajgir), hoping to find a teacher amongst the numerous ascetics that congregated in the forests and mountains surrounding the city. One morning, King Bimbisara saw Siddhatta walking through the town slowly on his alms round, dignified as a lion passing through a jungle. The king was immediately attracted by Siddhattha's nobility and followed him to his cave...
After a few minutes of pleasant conversation, the king learned that Siddhattha came from a royal family, and offered him a high position in his court. "Recluse, your hands seem fit to grasp the reigns of an empire, not a begging bowl. Come join me in ruling the country. Despise not wealth and power, but enjoy them with wisdom and discretion," said the king to Siddhattha. The Bodhisattva looked into the king's eyes and politely replied,
"Thank you for your generosity and prudent words, but i have severed all ties to search for deliverance--the highest treasure of all. Just as a rabbit rescued from the serpent's mouth would not jump back into it to be devoured, I cannot return to the world of illusion. If you really do feel affection toward me, then please do not try to entangle me with new duties and responsibilities."
The king was disappointed, but understood Siddhattha's refusal. "May you find what you seek, and after finding it, come back and show me the way," the king said to the mendicant. Siddhattha replied, "I promise your highness, thank you."
(Seven years later, after his Enlightenment he returns to Rajagaha to fulfill his promise to King Bimbisara to teach the Dhamma)
...King Bimbisara requested the Buddha to give them a teaching. The Buddha was glad to see his old friend again and to have the opportunity to fulfill his promise by sharing what he had discovered under the Bodhi Tree. The Buddha then taught the king and his ministers the progressive instructions on: (i) the benefits of charity, (ii) ethics as the foundation for liberation, (iii) the harmfulness of overindulging in sense pleasures, (iv) the futility of conceit, (v) the bliss of renunciation, and (vi) the Four Noble Truths.
The eyes of the listeners grew brighter by the moment as they absorbed the Buddha's...words. Feeling their hearts open and their doubts vanish, the entire audience entered the stream of liberation. "Most glorious is the Dhamma taught by the Tathagata!" the king cried out. "He sets up what has been turned over; he reveals what has been hidden; he points out the way to the lost wanderer; he lights a lamp in the dark so that those with eyes may see." The elated king then invited the entire Sangha to the royal courtyard for the next day's meal, where he offered his pleasure park, the Bamboo Grove (Veluvana), to the Sangha. The Buddha accepted the donation and it became the tradition's first monastery. From that point onwards bikkhus (monks) were allowed to dwell in permanent monasteries.
-from Along the Path
Other teachings from Rajgir:
It is not life, wealth, or power that enslaves a man, but the clinging to them...You must be like the lotus flower growing in the mud, but at the same time, unsmeared by it.
(Spoken by a monk when asked "Who is your teacher and what is his philosophy?")
In short, the Great Monk has shown the cause of all causally-arisen things, and what brings their cessation.
Abstain from immorality
Cultivate honesty,
Purify the mind.
This is the teaching of the Buddhas.
One possessing forgiveness,
Remaining calm under criticism, abuse and punishment,
And developing patience as one's army--
This person I call a Brahmin.
Rajgir is the home of the first monastery of the Buddhist Sangha, and is therefore the site of the first monastery in known history (if Robert Thurman's claim that the Buddha is the founder of monasticism as we know it). It is also the place where Ananda and Sariputta attained arahant-hood (arhat/arahant: lit. "one who is worthy;" conqueror, used by the Buddha to designate one who has conquered the impurities and afflictions within; a liberated person) and where the first council after the Buddha's death to organize his teachings was held.
On my first full day in Rajgir, I end up with a horse cart driver who takes me out to the giant Shanti ("Peace") Stupa, almost identical to the one in Lumbini (which makes sense since it was built by the same Japanese Mahayana sect), on top of a hill a couple kilometers down the road. They actually have a chair lift that takes you up to it. The Indians have a little bit of trouble with it...I don't think they do a lot of skiing round these parts. The view, the stupa and the temple are all lovely. My "meditator's guidebook" tells me that the cave in which Ananda became an arahant before the first council is just down the hill a ways so I walk on down...the heat has given me a pretty severe headache (some leftovers from my encounter with the bus/oven from the border) and the fall out from the meds and the sickness is manifesting in some rather painful sensations in my stomach, but I make my way over to Vulture's peak, a neighboring mountain from which the Buddha used to teach, and Ananda's cave. After some walking about beneath the prayer flags and looking around I see the cave...though there is no sign designating it as Ananda's cave, it matches the description in the book and the candles and gold stickies all over it say this is the place.
I brought my meditation seat/sleeping bag and supplies so I take a seat inside the little nook. I sit for difficult half hour and was going to get up, but I decided to push myself a little farther today...I know that if I always give in when I hit that wall of discomfort, I break through nothing; I develop no equanimity with the discomfort in body and mind and am therefore training myself further in the art of giving into cravings and reacting to my negative emotions. I push on a little bit longer and am happy that I did so in the end. I was pleasantly surprised during the sit to find that very few tourists and pilgrims came into the cave...though it is just off the walkway, I guess many don't bother with the slight detour...but at some point during my sit (I don't remember whether it was during the first or second section) a group of pilgrims came to the mouth of the cave with a guide. I continued to watch the breath and the body but a little bit of my mind was caught up in their presence. They spoke a SE language but I couldn't place it...not Thai, not Vietnamese...wasn't sure. The guide had come into the cave ahead of the group...saw me off to the side and immediately went back to tell the group in a whisper that I was there meditating (there are certain words that are similar in all the languages in the region due to their source in sanskrit [vis. dhayn is still "meditation" in hindi and nepali and other some other asian languages])...I heard the guide tell them about Ananda's awakening. They did not stay for long but I got a couple of flashes in the face from cameras before they left. They were not a bother and I was happy they had come in...(aside: I have learned that during meditation...an outside "distraction" is really a gift...it gives me a point of reference for my present state...if I are deep in the present moment, aware of all that is happening in the mind, in the body, then the presence of a new sound does not disturb [since the main disturbance is that of surprise...of being pulled back into the present moment from wherever you were in past, future or fantasy], and if I am somewhere else then I thank the "distraction" for showing me that I should come back...interesting that a "distraction" actually becomes its opposite with only a slight shift in the point of veiw.). When I finally get up and put my things away, my stomach pain is gone and I feel much less dehydrated. I take a steady walk down the hill with new eyes and grab a couple of samosas...(let me say again how much I missed Indian food).
Alright...this is going on a little bit and I want to go wander the temple grounds...so here's the summary of the rest.
After the horse cart and I make our way to the Bamboo Park, the site of the Sangha's first monastery, which is lovely but is a little cluttered by tents and what not for a Dharma gathering or festival or something that was to begin a couple days later. Skipping ahead...Back at the Burmese Vihar I am reading and charging my electronics in the hallway of the monastery since there are outlets that work there...when I meet George. I can see immediately that George is awesome...he is a 74 year old Burmese refugee with crazy salt and pepper hair and a cool laugh who lives in D.C. and has devoted his life to making people aware of the plight of his country and the cruelty of the military regime that rules it. He gives me a lesson on the history of Burma (the country's independence from British rule, the brutal repression of the protests by the military regime, and then the Saffron Revolution in 2007 where the government shot numerous monks who were demonstrating peacefully)...some of which I had heard before, though most of it was new to me. George introduces me to some of the others in his pilgrimage group...Burmese that have moved to America, Australia and the Netherlands. They are all very kind and introduce me to one of the monks that is guiding them around, a native of Bodh Gaya. We all talk for a little bit about my desire to visit and do a long term meditation retreat in Burma, other travels, etc...and the girl with whom I am speaking tells me that her father organizes such things for people...we trade information...then the monk asks the girl with whom I am speaking a question in Burmese and they both look at me...and then she asks if I was the one meditating in Ananda's cave earlier that day. I laugh and nodded...it was just perfect. Apparently the language I wasn't able to place earlier was Burmese and apparently the world is very small. She told me that the monk was very proud of me and that they were too...it filled me with joy. They offered to take me to Bodh Gaya the next day on their tour bus and I told them that I was planning to spend the day in Nalanda the next day and then to Gaya afterward...but I changed my plans, the situation being what it was and the universe giving me a pretty clear sign.
16/2/11
I wake up early since I had an appointment with my horse cart driver to go and see Nalanda, pack in advance since the group is leaving at noon...I inform the driver of the change of plan and so we decide to tour the Jain temples in the area (since Rajgir is also a major pilgrimage site for Jains). I enjoy the tour of the temples and sites (one of the newer ones in the Svetambara [white clad] tradition was filled with convex mirrors and created a really interesting environment visually speaking). Then I told him I wanted to see the cave which housed the 500 arahants during the First Great Council and he points the way...its a long hill and a hot day...I pass many little Jain temples along the way and eventually make it to the temple having stripped off most of my clothes and sweating a ton...I missed the Indian heat...(how much things have changed in the past few years). The cave is attended by a group of pilgrims and a few chanting monks. Some corrupt cops lead me into the pitch black cave and then ask me for money...typical India. I like the environment and the view off the cliff but I can't imagine more than 20 people fitting in that cave...and even that wouldn't be too comfy. I make it back to Vihar after the walk down the hill and the ride back in time to hitch a ride with my new Burmese companions. They introduce me to the head monk and he approves and we're off.
We stop at a couple of sites on the way out. Hahaha...sorry I still can't think of this without laughing...the first site at which we stopped, we took some pictures...and then George grabbed a monkey's tail...I mean he just grabbed its tail...the monkey screeches, turns in a circle and shoves George as if to say, "What the hell is wrong with you? How would you like it if I grabbed your ass?" George just laughs and says..."fast reflexes huh?" One of the monks gets out his camera and calls me over smiling...he shows me a picture of myself meditating in the cave...it didn't surprise me at all that he was one of the ones that took a picture...I think of all the people that have taken shots of me sitting...more than half have been SE Asian monks). Then we stop at another site where we chant as a group...the Burmese pronunciation of Pali throws me off and I just decide to sit and listen mindfully. After one more stop we are on the way to Bodh Gaya...they offer me so much food on the way...I find out that Burmese food is awesome as well. I appreciate the lift they gave me since it was through Bihar (the poorest region in India and the only one I have been consistently warned about...though I am of the opinion, upon further research, that these warnings are based on outdated information...either way, I probably won't be traveling much through Bihar at night), but the whole Pilgrimage by Tour bus thing...it ain't for me...you miss too much...so now then...
I am arrived in Bodhgaya...where Buddha became Buddha
Present Time:
It is a Sati day...
Tomorrow, I will be starting a retreat at the International Meditation Center for a week or so...I would like to take some time to soak it in before I write about this place.
"Maybe I will tell you all about it when
I'm in the mood to lose my way with words."
-John Mayer
Being here now...I would not change the way the pilgrimage was structured at all...this needed to be the last of the four. Thank you to all of those people who have helped me to get here and who have sent words of support...to those who have kept up with my travels even though they have busy schedules and lives of their own...it makes more of an impact than you know. I send you all goodness and Peace and Metta and the Samadhi power and my deepest Gratitude...
"Breathe, you are alive."
...and there's going to a period of discomfort, there's going to be sometimes a sense of frustration when things are not quite working out the way you wanted them to. And you need the maturity to learn how to deal with that. This is not a path for immature people. This is a path for people who know they're in a very precarious situation already, and that their ideas and their assumptions are precarious. That they are the ideas and presumptions of a materialistic world view, which is what we're brought up in...[and that these views] have a very limited range, or that they offer a very limited range of happiness. Whereas the Dharma offers a lot more. And it is up to us to decide whether we're willing to make the sacrifices and take the risk to see if what the Buddha had to say is true."
-Thanissaro Bikkhu
Dharma Talk entitled "A Sense of Adventure"
Where were we...
12/2/11
I get onto a 7pm bus from Kathmandu to the Birganj (Nepali side) - Raxaul (Indian side) border crossing. I have been told numerous times by numerous people that, unless its necessary, I shouldn't cross there...Prassana told me it was like going to the worst place in India...but it is, geographically speaking, the most direct way to get down into Bihar (the region of India that contains Nalanda, Rajgir and Bodh Gaya and the remainder of my pilgrimage proper) and going all the way back up to Sonauli (the border crossing near Lumbini where I crossed into Nepal) would add half a day at least onto my journey...or so I thought. The bus starts moving around 7:30 and we're off...we are supposed to arrive in Birganj around 5am.
13/2/11
The ride is uncomfortable but I get a ten minute nap here and there. We stop so that the drivers can get some tea around 2:30 or so. I'm woken up at 3 or so by a poke poke at my arm just after dozing off...the driver tells me that, since there are only three or so of us that are going to Birganj...he doesn't really feel like going all the way. So he tells me that the bus behind ours will take us the rest of the way. So I grab my stuff and make my way to the other bus. I end up sitting on a small stool in the aisle for a half the journey or so...not comfy but it could be worse...(it does get worse haha). We arrive at Birganj around 4:20 am...its dark...and this place is a dinge pot...I hire a cycle rickshaw to take me to the border. We launch down the mile-long straight away...and about half way there the power goes off and the whole town is black. Its misty and cold and a little creepy, but I lean as far back as I can with the backpack and look up at the stars and feel a little better. We get to the border and I start to walk across. I make it to the Nepali guards who tell me that I have to wait for the office to open so they can stamp me out. The office opens at 6 am. I am a little tired but in no big hurry, and am pretty contented to be on the road again, excited to for my second round with India. I sit off to the side next to a little old guard shack...then I hear the buzzing...I forgot about the mosquitoes. I don't know if Nepal has some sort of bilateral agreement with the mosquitoes not to enter their territory, but they seriously wait for you at the border...I wonder what Nepal promised the little blood suckers to keep em out. I eat my remaining bananas and play my guitar for a few minutes...the guards are pretty fascinated. And then I take a look inside the guard shack...clearly not used anymore...dusty, small, filled with spiders and the like...but the wooden planks were looking like a pretty comfy bed at this point...so I bring my things inside and take a nap for maybe 20 minutes or so until the guard comes in to tell me the office is open.
I am stamped out and, with a big smile on my face, say goodbye to Nepal and head across the bridge to India. (aside: I remember when I was little I used to like it when my uncle came over...he was always pretty animated and entertaining...but...I knew that when he came over...he was going to pull me up by my head and shake me about...I don't know why he did it, but he did it all the time...he just liked to lift children by the head. I didn't really like this tradition...but its something I had to go through if I was going to spend time with him...like a rough handshake or a just-too-much pat on the back from an old friend...and then the rest is easy...I share this memory with you because it's a little what it felt like to be reunited with India after our two month separation.) Well...I walk through the cloud of mosquitoes and the gag on the smell of whatever is down below the bridge...I didn't see a sewer per se...or any animal corpses through the mist...but woah man! I make it to the "welcome to India" guy...I meet an interesting young American inside who is just coming from Bodh Gaya. We talk for a minute, wish each other a pleasant journey and then are on our separate ways. I warn him that if he can hold his breath for extended periods to do so on the way across the bridge.
The next step is to get to Patna, a decent size city which acts as a travel hub for the region. I am pointed in the direction of the bus...pay my ticket and sit in the back most row of a pretty dilapidated bus around 7am...and we're on the way. The window is stuck open and it is a cold and misty Indian morning. I was told that the trip to Patna is about five or six hours (the American said..."yeah, but it'll take a lot longer dude") and that the first two or so hours is the bumpiest road around. The road did indeed cause me to lift up out of my seat quite a few times. After three plus hours of driving through the rural landscape...we get on the highway and the flying up out of my seat stops.
...Then we stop...I am told (though in very broken English...which is a lot more than anyone else has tried on me since I got passed the guy who stamped me in) after quite some time that there was a murder on the road a couple kilometers up ahead and the villagers have blocked the highway...when will we be back on the road?...who knows, that's when. There are vendors popping up all over the road selling peanuts and grapes and the like. I wander about the road in a shaky daze for a while...I feel the exhaustion of the last 28 hours starting to take hold...but I manage to be present with the anxiety and, because there is no resistance, it loses its strength. I get back on the bus and try to curl up on the back row with my bags to take a nap. I think I got about a half hour but its hard to tell. It got hot while I slept...and now we're on an open highway with no shade and the temperature is climbing. After some time, I see some men grabbing their things and heading off the bus over to another bus...one of the men tells me that that bus "going Patna." I take him to mean that the other bus will, for whatever reason, be heading out before this one so I grab my things and am given a seat behind a door, which forces me in a 3x3x8' compartment with all my luggage...it wouldn't have been so bad if we were moving, but the bus becomes an oven and no one gives any sign that we will be moving any time soon. I try to nap...not happening. I read for a bit, but the concern, which hasn't even occurred to me until now, that I don't have very much water left and that its only getting hotter and I'm still on this evil chemotherapeutic medication which declares war on my tummy...and I'm getting pretty hungry...and so on starts to get to me. I recognize this as an interesting opportunity, meditationally speaking...due to being tired and not having slept really, I can't remember whether it's a samadhi (meditative concentration) day or a viriya (energy/strength) day...but then I realize it doesn't matter, because today, in this situation, right effort and a right use of my energy is to practice deep concentration and reserve the strength I have.
Long story short...after 5 hours and with two sips of rationed water left...we start to move...I don't know if the wind on my face has ever felt so good. Aniccia aniccia aniccia. We get to Muzaffarpur (another city, not quite the size of Patna) after 3 or so hours...I think its Patna cause, sans the time stopped on the highway, it has been 6 hours...I don't care about that though...I care that there is a guy selling eggs and toast just outside the bus...I eat two and feel like a living human being again.
It would have been two more hours to Patna but there is a traffic jam a couple k from the bus station...finally we are there...its dark now. I don't know anything about the city, didn't invest much time researching since I was planning on being in Rajgir by now (and because I asked one teacher if I should see it and he told me it was a "shit hole"). I hire a rickshaw after the usual fuss and hub hub at the bus station...make my way to a not in my budget hotel, since I really need a decent bed for one night after all this craziness (and I was hoping for a decent shower, but....). I order some Veg Kofta in the room...man I almost forgot how amazing Indian food is!...and out.
14/2/11
Today is the day that I realize that I am in love with India...I don't really know how to explain it...there wasn't one moment where it hit me. I know I said that I had mixed feelings about returning when I was in Kathmandu...and I don't know if its because it's the country I've dreamed about visiting for so long, or because of the pilgrimage, or the food, or the smells, or what lay ahead, or if I am on a high of being on my own schedule again or all of it or none of it...but despite (or because of) the dirt and the craziness and the delays and the noise and the bargaining and the complications...I find lately that where I am challenged, my Love seems to follow. I don't mean to belittle my time in Nepal...it was a meaningful and valuable set of experiences from which I learned much...I don't think I shall ever forget it...and I would like to go back and visit and continue to help in the region...but much of the time there I felt far from home (it is not lost on me that while staying with a family in a home environment, spending time with many who are in an established network of social relationships...it is perhaps easier to recognize the absence of one's own established network of freinds, family, etc.)...I was caught up in thoughts constantly...I did not have as much strength as I have here (I'm not sure of the exact nature of the causal relationship between that psycho-emotional weakness and my body's sickness while in Nepal...it seems likely that they played off of each other in both directions)...and its not that I feel "at home" in India exactly...but I don't feel far from home...if that makes sense. I said I didn't know how to explain it...but I am so happy to be back.
...anyways...
I wake up at a reasonable hour so that I can get a few things done. I talk to my Dad on his birthday and get to say hello to my grandma which is nice. The guy at the desk gives me a Valentine's day discount on my room, which although small, is appreciated. or I make my way over to the bus station and hop on a bus to Bihar Shariff since there are no direct buses to Rajgir. It is another six to seven hours before I arrive in Rajgir...glad I didn't try it the night before. I'm there after 36 hours on one of six buses. I make my way to the Burmese monastery to inquire about a room...the head honcho tells me that they are mostly full with Burmese pilgrims but that he has something for me. I see the accommodations and smile...(I remember when I was having a pre-trip meeting with one of my teachers at his home in LA and he asked me, "How are you at sleeping on tables?"...I told him that I didn't know especially, but figured probably not very good since I can't sleep on my back...the first time I slept in one of the Therevada monasteries...I understood what he meant.) The light doesn't work. There is no bathroom inside. And the beds are literally tables with a thin mat and a blanket on them (and when I wake up the next morning I feel like I have been beaten up in my sleep...but the familiar minor bruising is welcomed...it makes me feel stronger in the end.), but I am back on the pilgrimage route. I make a phone call to my Valentine which brings much joy and then to bed.
15/2/11 (Rajgir)
Shortly after shaving off his hair and doning the earth-colored mendicant's robe for the first time, Siddhattha walked 600 kilometers from Kapilavatthu to Rajagaha (Rajgir), hoping to find a teacher amongst the numerous ascetics that congregated in the forests and mountains surrounding the city. One morning, King Bimbisara saw Siddhatta walking through the town slowly on his alms round, dignified as a lion passing through a jungle. The king was immediately attracted by Siddhattha's nobility and followed him to his cave...
After a few minutes of pleasant conversation, the king learned that Siddhattha came from a royal family, and offered him a high position in his court. "Recluse, your hands seem fit to grasp the reigns of an empire, not a begging bowl. Come join me in ruling the country. Despise not wealth and power, but enjoy them with wisdom and discretion," said the king to Siddhattha. The Bodhisattva looked into the king's eyes and politely replied,
"Thank you for your generosity and prudent words, but i have severed all ties to search for deliverance--the highest treasure of all. Just as a rabbit rescued from the serpent's mouth would not jump back into it to be devoured, I cannot return to the world of illusion. If you really do feel affection toward me, then please do not try to entangle me with new duties and responsibilities."
The king was disappointed, but understood Siddhattha's refusal. "May you find what you seek, and after finding it, come back and show me the way," the king said to the mendicant. Siddhattha replied, "I promise your highness, thank you."
(Seven years later, after his Enlightenment he returns to Rajagaha to fulfill his promise to King Bimbisara to teach the Dhamma)
...King Bimbisara requested the Buddha to give them a teaching. The Buddha was glad to see his old friend again and to have the opportunity to fulfill his promise by sharing what he had discovered under the Bodhi Tree. The Buddha then taught the king and his ministers the progressive instructions on: (i) the benefits of charity, (ii) ethics as the foundation for liberation, (iii) the harmfulness of overindulging in sense pleasures, (iv) the futility of conceit, (v) the bliss of renunciation, and (vi) the Four Noble Truths.
The eyes of the listeners grew brighter by the moment as they absorbed the Buddha's...words. Feeling their hearts open and their doubts vanish, the entire audience entered the stream of liberation. "Most glorious is the Dhamma taught by the Tathagata!" the king cried out. "He sets up what has been turned over; he reveals what has been hidden; he points out the way to the lost wanderer; he lights a lamp in the dark so that those with eyes may see." The elated king then invited the entire Sangha to the royal courtyard for the next day's meal, where he offered his pleasure park, the Bamboo Grove (Veluvana), to the Sangha. The Buddha accepted the donation and it became the tradition's first monastery. From that point onwards bikkhus (monks) were allowed to dwell in permanent monasteries.
-from Along the Path
Other teachings from Rajgir:
It is not life, wealth, or power that enslaves a man, but the clinging to them...You must be like the lotus flower growing in the mud, but at the same time, unsmeared by it.
(Spoken by a monk when asked "Who is your teacher and what is his philosophy?")
In short, the Great Monk has shown the cause of all causally-arisen things, and what brings their cessation.
Abstain from immorality
Cultivate honesty,
Purify the mind.
This is the teaching of the Buddhas.
One possessing forgiveness,
Remaining calm under criticism, abuse and punishment,
And developing patience as one's army--
This person I call a Brahmin.
Rajgir is the home of the first monastery of the Buddhist Sangha, and is therefore the site of the first monastery in known history (if Robert Thurman's claim that the Buddha is the founder of monasticism as we know it). It is also the place where Ananda and Sariputta attained arahant-hood (arhat/arahant: lit. "one who is worthy;" conqueror, used by the Buddha to designate one who has conquered the impurities and afflictions within; a liberated person) and where the first council after the Buddha's death to organize his teachings was held.
On my first full day in Rajgir, I end up with a horse cart driver who takes me out to the giant Shanti ("Peace") Stupa, almost identical to the one in Lumbini (which makes sense since it was built by the same Japanese Mahayana sect), on top of a hill a couple kilometers down the road. They actually have a chair lift that takes you up to it. The Indians have a little bit of trouble with it...I don't think they do a lot of skiing round these parts. The view, the stupa and the temple are all lovely. My "meditator's guidebook" tells me that the cave in which Ananda became an arahant before the first council is just down the hill a ways so I walk on down...the heat has given me a pretty severe headache (some leftovers from my encounter with the bus/oven from the border) and the fall out from the meds and the sickness is manifesting in some rather painful sensations in my stomach, but I make my way over to Vulture's peak, a neighboring mountain from which the Buddha used to teach, and Ananda's cave. After some walking about beneath the prayer flags and looking around I see the cave...though there is no sign designating it as Ananda's cave, it matches the description in the book and the candles and gold stickies all over it say this is the place.
I brought my meditation seat/sleeping bag and supplies so I take a seat inside the little nook. I sit for difficult half hour and was going to get up, but I decided to push myself a little farther today...I know that if I always give in when I hit that wall of discomfort, I break through nothing; I develop no equanimity with the discomfort in body and mind and am therefore training myself further in the art of giving into cravings and reacting to my negative emotions. I push on a little bit longer and am happy that I did so in the end. I was pleasantly surprised during the sit to find that very few tourists and pilgrims came into the cave...though it is just off the walkway, I guess many don't bother with the slight detour...but at some point during my sit (I don't remember whether it was during the first or second section) a group of pilgrims came to the mouth of the cave with a guide. I continued to watch the breath and the body but a little bit of my mind was caught up in their presence. They spoke a SE language but I couldn't place it...not Thai, not Vietnamese...wasn't sure. The guide had come into the cave ahead of the group...saw me off to the side and immediately went back to tell the group in a whisper that I was there meditating (there are certain words that are similar in all the languages in the region due to their source in sanskrit [vis. dhayn is still "meditation" in hindi and nepali and other some other asian languages])...I heard the guide tell them about Ananda's awakening. They did not stay for long but I got a couple of flashes in the face from cameras before they left. They were not a bother and I was happy they had come in...(aside: I have learned that during meditation...an outside "distraction" is really a gift...it gives me a point of reference for my present state...if I are deep in the present moment, aware of all that is happening in the mind, in the body, then the presence of a new sound does not disturb [since the main disturbance is that of surprise...of being pulled back into the present moment from wherever you were in past, future or fantasy], and if I am somewhere else then I thank the "distraction" for showing me that I should come back...interesting that a "distraction" actually becomes its opposite with only a slight shift in the point of veiw.). When I finally get up and put my things away, my stomach pain is gone and I feel much less dehydrated. I take a steady walk down the hill with new eyes and grab a couple of samosas...(let me say again how much I missed Indian food).
Alright...this is going on a little bit and I want to go wander the temple grounds...so here's the summary of the rest.
After the horse cart and I make our way to the Bamboo Park, the site of the Sangha's first monastery, which is lovely but is a little cluttered by tents and what not for a Dharma gathering or festival or something that was to begin a couple days later. Skipping ahead...Back at the Burmese Vihar I am reading and charging my electronics in the hallway of the monastery since there are outlets that work there...when I meet George. I can see immediately that George is awesome...he is a 74 year old Burmese refugee with crazy salt and pepper hair and a cool laugh who lives in D.C. and has devoted his life to making people aware of the plight of his country and the cruelty of the military regime that rules it. He gives me a lesson on the history of Burma (the country's independence from British rule, the brutal repression of the protests by the military regime, and then the Saffron Revolution in 2007 where the government shot numerous monks who were demonstrating peacefully)...some of which I had heard before, though most of it was new to me. George introduces me to some of the others in his pilgrimage group...Burmese that have moved to America, Australia and the Netherlands. They are all very kind and introduce me to one of the monks that is guiding them around, a native of Bodh Gaya. We all talk for a little bit about my desire to visit and do a long term meditation retreat in Burma, other travels, etc...and the girl with whom I am speaking tells me that her father organizes such things for people...we trade information...then the monk asks the girl with whom I am speaking a question in Burmese and they both look at me...and then she asks if I was the one meditating in Ananda's cave earlier that day. I laugh and nodded...it was just perfect. Apparently the language I wasn't able to place earlier was Burmese and apparently the world is very small. She told me that the monk was very proud of me and that they were too...it filled me with joy. They offered to take me to Bodh Gaya the next day on their tour bus and I told them that I was planning to spend the day in Nalanda the next day and then to Gaya afterward...but I changed my plans, the situation being what it was and the universe giving me a pretty clear sign.
16/2/11
I wake up early since I had an appointment with my horse cart driver to go and see Nalanda, pack in advance since the group is leaving at noon...I inform the driver of the change of plan and so we decide to tour the Jain temples in the area (since Rajgir is also a major pilgrimage site for Jains). I enjoy the tour of the temples and sites (one of the newer ones in the Svetambara [white clad] tradition was filled with convex mirrors and created a really interesting environment visually speaking). Then I told him I wanted to see the cave which housed the 500 arahants during the First Great Council and he points the way...its a long hill and a hot day...I pass many little Jain temples along the way and eventually make it to the temple having stripped off most of my clothes and sweating a ton...I missed the Indian heat...(how much things have changed in the past few years). The cave is attended by a group of pilgrims and a few chanting monks. Some corrupt cops lead me into the pitch black cave and then ask me for money...typical India. I like the environment and the view off the cliff but I can't imagine more than 20 people fitting in that cave...and even that wouldn't be too comfy. I make it back to Vihar after the walk down the hill and the ride back in time to hitch a ride with my new Burmese companions. They introduce me to the head monk and he approves and we're off.
We stop at a couple of sites on the way out. Hahaha...sorry I still can't think of this without laughing...the first site at which we stopped, we took some pictures...and then George grabbed a monkey's tail...I mean he just grabbed its tail...the monkey screeches, turns in a circle and shoves George as if to say, "What the hell is wrong with you? How would you like it if I grabbed your ass?" George just laughs and says..."fast reflexes huh?" One of the monks gets out his camera and calls me over smiling...he shows me a picture of myself meditating in the cave...it didn't surprise me at all that he was one of the ones that took a picture...I think of all the people that have taken shots of me sitting...more than half have been SE Asian monks). Then we stop at another site where we chant as a group...the Burmese pronunciation of Pali throws me off and I just decide to sit and listen mindfully. After one more stop we are on the way to Bodh Gaya...they offer me so much food on the way...I find out that Burmese food is awesome as well. I appreciate the lift they gave me since it was through Bihar (the poorest region in India and the only one I have been consistently warned about...though I am of the opinion, upon further research, that these warnings are based on outdated information...either way, I probably won't be traveling much through Bihar at night), but the whole Pilgrimage by Tour bus thing...it ain't for me...you miss too much...so now then...
I am arrived in Bodhgaya...where Buddha became Buddha
Present Time:
It is a Sati day...
Tomorrow, I will be starting a retreat at the International Meditation Center for a week or so...I would like to take some time to soak it in before I write about this place.
"Maybe I will tell you all about it when
I'm in the mood to lose my way with words."
-John Mayer
Being here now...I would not change the way the pilgrimage was structured at all...this needed to be the last of the four. Thank you to all of those people who have helped me to get here and who have sent words of support...to those who have kept up with my travels even though they have busy schedules and lives of their own...it makes more of an impact than you know. I send you all goodness and Peace and Metta and the Samadhi power and my deepest Gratitude...
"Breathe, you are alive."
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