written 3-4/11/10...and then finished 8/11
Namaste,
So I am back in Jaipur now. I got back into the city yesterday in the late afternoon and stayed with the Singhs again since my stuff was there and it was already pretty late in the day and I had to get some things organized for today. Tomorrow afternoon I will be heading to the Vipassana Center Dhamma Thali in the town of Galta about 13 km away. I will run a few errands in the morning and then I was thinking about seeing a Baliwood (Bollywood? I don't know how far they go with the spelling) film here in town since Jaipur is apparently home to the third nicest movie theatre in the world and it shows the latest Indian hit four times daily. In any case, I am looking forward to being around meditation and quiet for a little bit. I am getting the hang of Jaipur...I can take the bus now, (though the bus is never for certain in that it sort of goes where it wants to...and it seems foreigners have the least weight in deciding that) and I know where to go to grab a tuk tuk, where to eat and how much things are supposed to cost...the walking pace necessary to avoid being pulled aside for the 100th time to be asked where I'm from, where I'm going, if I'd like to visit his brother's shop, cause he'll give me a great price...I'm getting a feel for how forcefully I have to say no for them to get that its really a NO...and I'm seeing how hard it is for me to say no to a lot of things. Honestly though, I'm sick of the traffic and the horns and the smog and bargaining and being grabbed constantly so I welcome Dhamma Thali and the nearby Monkey Village, which sounds very...well....monkey-full.
I realized that I don't particularly like doing bullet point lists of my days...it doesn't make me feel like there's any actual expression or sharing going on, at least not in any way that matters or that is attractive to me; so I'm not going to do it. I will mention events or people that are significant and/or relevant to the prevailing story line or my mental state or whatever, but I can't possibly talk about everyone I meet and everything I do while here...and the fact that some part of me was trying to take on that feat was driving me away from writing anything at all on here. The sheer number of ups and downs that I experienced emotionally, energetically and otherwise while in Pushkar would have made it near impossible to write an all-encompassing entry...so that's not gonna happen. So, there's a weight off my shoulders haha. For anyone who doesn't know, the medication I was taking was causing some damage and was the culprit behind my inability to sleep more than a few hours a night or eat without a great deal of discomfort...so I have stopped that as well...and now I can eat yummy Indian food all day...WooHoo!!
As for Pushkar...I would like to begin with a story. Some of you may already have heard it either because you read it somewhere or because I've told it to you (but other than Zaza, and maybe one or two others I don't think I've told it to anyone)...I tell it in my own way and I tell it because it is a story which helps me to be at ease with where I am in life and maybe it can do the same for you...I tell it because it is skillful to take a step back and adjust one's view when struggling with negative mental formations, old habit patterns and reactive tendencies...and I am struggling with all of these right now so hopefully it will help to write it and to share it. Since this story's reappearance in my counscious mind was brought about by an actual event and person, of whom I was able to take a photo, there will be a corresponding image up on facebook in the near future.
The Tale of the Stonemason
Once there was a lowly stonemason...or at least that is how he thought of himself at the beginning of this story. He worked day in and day out with chisel and hammer in his hands and with sweat on his brow. As he was walking to work one day he passed a large golden gate, glinting in the morning sun. He stopped, touched the gate with a caloused hand and looked inside to the mansion entrance, where he saw a rich merchant reclining and ordering servants about. "Oh how wonderful it must be to have that kind of money and live in such ease, that must be happiness," he thought to himself. "I wish I were that merchant."
And so he became the rich merchant, in fine robes and with a golden cup in his hand, and for a moment he was filled with pride and his chest swelled. He stood on two legs that had never felt stronger and his voice boomed with orders until...trumpets drowned out his voice and he saw palanquin bearers walking past his gate. They were transporting a magistrate, and it is customary for all people to bow to a government official when they pass. His servants ceased to listen to his orders and turned to prostrate toward the palanquin and he knew he would be expected to as well. The prideful merchant with great dismay slowly bent his head, got down on his knees and bowed to the official. While down on the ground he thought to himself, "If only I had that kind of power, then I would be happy. I wish I were that official."
And so he became the magistrate, being carried in his palanquin and wearing rings with official seals...everywhere he went, people bowed to him and kissed his hand and did as they were told. It was now midday and the it was boiling hot. No matter how many fans were directed at him, the official was sweating and uncomfortable. He looked through the thin cloth that was the roof of the vehicle and saw the burning orb of the sun directly overhead. He was upset that he could do nothing to change the sun's position and intensity, and he was envious of its heat and power. "This government position is meaningless. Writing a few laws and being bowed to is small potatos...but that is real power. All people everywhere depend on and respect the heat and the light of the sun. I wish I were the sun."
And so he became the sun, shining brightly and with great intensity. He dried out crops to demonstrate his enormous power..."This is the pinacle," he thought. In the midst of his shining and blazing, he noticed that the field below was now in the shade and the farmer could take a moments rest in the cool. A cloud had wandered in between the sun and the field and had blocked the light's path. "This cloud blocks out my light, it is greater than I am. I wish I were the cloud."
And so he became the cloud, with the power to block the light of the sun and give shade to the earth below. In the midst of giving shade, he felt himself moved by a powerful force...it was the northern wind and it blew him far from where he had been. "This wind moves me where it pleases and I can do nothing to stop it. I am powerless against it. I wish I were the wind that I may have power over the clouds."
And so he became the wind. He blew the leaves off of trees and guided the paths of the clouds and messed up the hair of the merchants and the officials and even took off a roof or two. He gusted and blew and danced about the earth until....Wham! He came up against a great mountain which would not bend to his will. He became a tornado and then a hurricane, but the great rock would not budge. "Oh, what stability! What strength! I would I were the mountain, that I may indifferent even to the great force that is the wind."
And so he became the mountain. And he was firm and solid and immovable and impervious to...and then he felt it...a rhythmic vibration...a chip chip chipping away at himself. And so he looked down and saw there the stonemason, with chisel and hammer and a knowing smile on his face.
And there was no more wishing.
Fin
I hope you enjoyed it. I had originally written quite a bit more after this story. This blog entry was delayed for quite a while due to its multiple deletions, first at a computer which lost its connection and then on my phone (which I will no longer be using for blog entries). I had written about the guru Maharaja Siva...who wanted to make me his follower/wanted to sell me an overpriced set of mala (hindu/buddhist rosary). There was the taking refuge in a small temple of Siva (personification of both the creative and destructive forces, and the closest thing I have to a patron saint in the Hindu tradition...may seem not to fit with Brahma being the god of creation, which was mentioned last time, but I don't actually think there is a conflict...will discuss another time if I am so inclined) after being invited in by the one holy man ( I use that term loosely) who didn't ask for anything from me and seemed far more concerned with his praying than my wallet. There was the denial of entry into the Temple of Visnu because my Israeli friend Lior and I are dirty westerners...for real, there was a sign: No Foreigners Allowed (I found out later on, we are considered dirty because we use toilet paper instead of water after going to the bathroom). Another thing to write on one of these days is the incredible parallel between the Jewish and Hindu (two traditions which, historically have no influence on one another until relatively recent times) obsession with segregation and distinguishing between (in what sometimes seems to be a completely arbitrary manner) sacred and profane, pure and impure. There was a good deal of shopping since Pushkar was really cheap and since everything jumped out at me as something my sisters would like...and I may have gotten a few things for myself...practical stuff mind you. And last but not least, I mentioned the rock-breaker who was the inspiration for the above story, or its telling in any case. I asked to take a picture for a few rupees. He shook no and so I thought he meant no picture...but it turns out he said the picture was fine, he just didn't want my money. It wasn't an issue of pride either...he was just an honest, quite serene young man, who had no interest in taking my money for something that took no effort on his part. He was the opposite of the vast majority of people I have met here...and he effected me in a meaningful way. He also brought to mind the Rock Biter from The Never Ending Story and the Rock Man from The Point...characters of wisdom and strength and silliness from my childhood...but I feel that that comes with the territory...if you have been around long enough, you realize there is nothing that lasts long enough to take seriously.
That is enough for now...Be good.
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