In the interest of staying in the present moment, I will also have to forgo writing in detail about my visit to the Musée d´Orsay, which would have constituted the majority of a "Paris the Third" entry. The highlights of which were standing before Manet´s larger than life masterpiece Le Dejeuner sur l´herbe and finally getting it after all those classes that just called him the "father of impressionism" but never got to the point, seeing the shapes--triangles upon triangles and lines and perfectly abused perspective and arches and circles, the patterns and strokes, the metaphor of the modern man inviting the classical nude into the modern age as she looks to you for a sign; the two small rooms filled with Degas´pastels took me over an hour to get through and which sucked me into a gentle dimension; and last but certainly not least, seeing that often reproduced and studied self portrait of Van Gogh, his serious gaze dancing in a greenish blue flame, his brush strokes more daring that any sighted artist before him...oy, it was all exhausting and invigorating.
I will also be skipping the detailed description of one of the greatest exhibits I´ve ever seen in my life: Monet at the National Gallery of the Grand Palais on my second go round in Paris. A lifetime of painting...200 pieces (which constitutes something like 10% of his known work) from age 25 to 86 of a man who dedicated his life to the almost impossible pursuit of capturing change, impermanence itself, in a static medium. They kept saying his subject was light, but light, like paint, was a tool, a signal, a means, the real subject was the ephemeral nature, the ungraspability of all compounded things. This was especially evident in the portrait of his first wife Camille, as she lay on her deathbed...purples and grays swirling into oblivion around a still young yet lifeless face. I have to stop myself or I´ll keep going forever.
As for Germany...
Its been a joyous week in many ways and a tough one in others. Its always a pleasure to spend time with energetic Sabine, her two children (Julian 10 and Oliver 9), her very chill mother, and her sister, Marion. I babysat the little ones one day and wandered about the Old City and sat in the tacky faux-Rococo Frauenkirche (Church of Our Lady) another and went to the gallery of the "New Masters" where many of the German Romantics, including my favorite, Caspar David Friedrich, hang out...and I ate falafel the whole time regardless of whatever else I was doing. Bine and I hung out when the kids were either asleep or at school and talked about politics and religion and meditation and change and depression and happiness and whatever else came up. She found this super-awesome veggie friendly organic place called "Aha" which we went to twice, once with Marion for a late dinner and then for lunch the next day. I spent a few hours at the "Health Museum" which featured two exhibits that interested me initially: Was ist Schön? (What is Beauty?) and "Religious Energy." I don´t feel sufficiently dispassionate about either exhibit at this point in time to really discuss the content of either one in any sort of detail, but I will say one thing about each. There is infinite beauty in the world and in each human being...but we´re looking in all the wrong places. And after listening to an old jaded Israeli say that dying for the state of Israel is the only meaningful thing you can do with your life since the messiah is on his way, a Lutheran politician who says he doesn´t have any friends who aren´t Christian, a clueless Buddhist talk about how everything is predestined (by the way, there are few concepts further from the teachings of Siddhartha Gautama, the Buddha, than determinism and predestination, in fact determinists, materialists and nihilists were the primary philosophies he opposed at the time, and it is between these idealogies that he found the middle path), a confused Hindu priest-in-training talking about the colors of the multitude of deities in his tradition, and a Muslim woman hint that if only everyone were Muslim the world would be at peace...the only person who made a lick of sense to me was a 7 or so year old boy with no declared religion who, when asked the question, "What beliefs are important to you?", said, "That everybody is nice to each other, and has fun."
The more difficult aspects of my time in Germany included: long nights of unpleasant and very vivid dreams, back pain, a distinct lack of mindfulness and equanimity, an unbalanced diet (since Germany is really not a veggie friendly country) which in turn made my defense against the literally freezing weather here all but nonexistent, powerful cravings for sweets which I gave into more often than not and usually regretted later, and a sort of meloncholy and anxiety, which gave way to speedy and unmindful speech at times, internally more than externally. In the same way that you pick up old speech patterns and habit energies when you hang out with people you haven´t seen in a long time, especially those who are emblematic of a specific time period in your life in which your personality may have been very different, I think I picked up some old mental states and residual emotions and cravings from my time in Dresden from 2005 to 2007 and felt overwhelmed and unable at times to observe them from an objective place. I know that there are many things to learn from the experience and I have little doubt that I will eventually, but for now, a lot of it still feels overwhelming. Some part of me knows that I needed it after Plum Village, a place where its so easy to think that you have it all under control, and I am greatful in many ways that I got the opportunity to get a different viewpoint before heading to India. I will keep sitting and walking and shedding the light of mindfulness on whatever comes up as best I can and eventually I will see things for what they are...I know that there will be more wrong assumptions and false starts and ups and downs and doubts and old baggage and afflictions and ego buildings and tearings down...but thats a lot of why I´m on this trip isn´t it? Still doesn´t make it easy though.
As for Berlin...in truth, I don´t feel very strongly about the place. I realized that everyone who recommended the city to me either loves clubbing or World War II and Cold War history, neither of which are my cup of tea. I feel that Berlin, as a whole, has a conflict tearing at itself from the inside. It is torn between maintaining its economic stability, which it achieves in large part by its tourism business, which consists largley of repeating over and over again about book burnings and destruction and murder, and its desire to move on and also to utilitize the present moment, which is the only door to progress and real happiness. It has been three generations and its enough already with the guilt and the shame and the sensative subjects and taboos. The balance between not forgetting and completely living in the past is a difficult one I understand, but if we forget that the main causes of Hitler´s rise to power, WW II and the holocaust were shame, guilt, blame, economic desolation, and living in the past, history will repeat itself, and a new generation of Germans ashamed to be German and unable to speak openly about the positive aspects of their country and history will be created. And that is neither good for them, nor, as we have seen in history, is it good for anyone. There is no "How could this have happened?" situation if we look closely...every effect has a cause.
I took a tour bus around the city twice the first day and there was as much of a concentration on shopping and fashion, about which I care very little, as there was on the history of the city. I had a fun with Carmen and Sabine (by the way, for those of you who don´t know, Sabine was my (and mym siblings´) nanny from age 10 to 11 and 13 to 14, and Carmen from 12 to 13) walking around Berlin and eating in the restaurant with the mean waitress. I also enjoyed the Gendarmenmarkt, which is a bit sqare in the middle of Berlin built to echo the architecture of the Piazza del Popolo in Rome. The Thenis Rioni exibit at the Jewish Gallery in the New Synagogue (pictures on facebook) was also pretty fantastic. Wandering through the Holocaust memorial next to the Brandenberg gate was an experience, though I wouldn´t necessarily call it fun. I ate at a restaurant near by called Samadhi (how could I resist) later that day, which was decorated with Thay´s quote "Peace in oneself, Peace in the World" and numerous books..its helped a little to have mindfulness reinforced externally again. That is until my dish got there and turned out to be the spiciest thing I´ve ever eaten in my entire life (not an exaggeration)...I had to pass on the last third before I started a full blown anxiety attack and passed out haha. But before I got that particularly hot plate, I was reading through Thay´s book "Being Peace," which I borrowed from the counter, and read about the purpose of meditation. He wrote that many people have the misconception that the purpose of meditation centers and retreats is to escape hardships and to separate from society, but that in truth meditation is preparation for re-entering society in a healthier way than when we took our leave. This was helpful for me. I need to remember that I can´t expect myself to be the same person in a bustling city filled with stress and commercialism as I am in Plum Village...its a gradual process and I need to take it a little easier on myself...and so do all of you.
I have to get ready for my flight now. Part of me still cant believe I´m going to India...but I´ll be there soon enough. I hope you are all happy and healthy. Metta to you all.
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