Namaste everyone,
So as many of you already know from the pictures on facebook or emails, I am in Jaipur, known as the Pink City due to the paint job of the city center walls and shops. Jaipur marks the south-western point of the "golden triangle," which consists of Dehli, Jaipur and Agra. The train from Delhi was, for the most part, pretty happy for me, simply because I thought a lot about being on Indian trains before I came...just one of those things you see in movies and hear about a lot I guess...that and I just like trains. As I sat waiting for the doors to my car to open, the loud speaker sounded out about train so and so being 12 hours late and 6 hours late etc...and I was very grateful that my train was already in the station. Because of Diwali, the 5 to 12 day long (depending on what part of the country you are in) Hindu holiday that begins in the next week, the trains, especially the lower class cars, are pretty jam packed. So when the unreserved car opened up people slammed against each other and pushed each other around to get a shot at a seat inside. At that point I was also happy to have my reserved seat in 2nd tier AC for which I was grossly overcharged by the travel agency previously mentioned. I'm not beating myself up about how much money was spent in the first two days...I had no idea what was going on and in my first 48 hours in Delhi I got a combined total of 7 or so hours of sleep between 5 and 11 am and in chunks of an hour on average...I think it was a combination of the time change and constantly being on guard, the shortening of my breaths (unconsciously as a reaction to how polluted the air is), the spicy food, the floods of thoughts and the disturbing poverty around every corner (which I am not going to discuss until I feel I can do it in a way that is less negative and "energetic" shall we say). I have had a good deal of trouble doing "constructive" sitting as well, which I know isn't really true, I just mean to say that I am having trouble getting my mind to settle...but I know that it is never unconstructive to sit quietly and explore whats going on inside, even if what you find is that, "I'm batshit crazy right now."
I arrived in Jaipur around 9:30 pm, which I was not happy about seeing as how I had my bags and guitar and had no idea where my hotel was and I was in a city I knew nothing about and I knew the rickshaw drivers were gonna go ape when they saw the white boy...which is exactly what happened. The two competing rickshaw families (by the way, everyone here is everyone else's brother) got into a little fight immediately after talking to me trying to figure out who was going to take me. After a less than pleasant and at times a little frightening experience, I made a call to the hotel, found out how far it was to see who was lying to me about distance and price and then settled on Mohammad, who I also retained for a tour from 11 to 5pm the next day, which was yesterday, the 29th. We went to Amber Fort and the Temple of Shilla inside where I got my first "tika" (the red dot the priest draws between your eyes), the Floating Palace, a fabric factory and tailor (so Mohammad could get his commission of course, its how every rickshaw driver here works -- "my friend, don't shop there, they'll rip you off...I will take you to my cousins shop and he will show you nice things...just looking ten minutes my friend"...everyone else is out to get you and they are your only friend...oy...I did buy a vest with some deep pockets so I can keep things in a safe place while I walk around without having a stupid uncomfortable bulge under my shirt from the waste-wallet which is putting unwanted pressure on my now delicate stomach) and the Albert Hall museum (again, pictures on facebook)...all of which were quite lovely, save a few moments of high pressure sales situations and a few unpleasant encounters.
I am now staying at the Shahar Palace Guest House, which is the first place I have felt comfortable so far on the trip. It has a very nice garden, and is owned by Mr. Singh, a jolly, proud and slightly senile retired Indian Colonel who likes to gossip to his guests for stretches at a time, and his wife, who thinks sitting quietly in a meditation center is a waste of time when there is so much to see in India. There are peacocks in the trees, chickens on the ground, geckos on the wall. Out on the street there are mangy strays everywhere, running past the cows and donkeys...elephants with brightly painted faces walk to and from Amber Fort and the monkeys guard its walls. Today I went to Jantar Mantar, a reconstructed planetarium/astronomy center from many a century ago, though honestly, the signs were not very helpful and I missed the audio guides until the end so I don't have as much info as I'd like about it, and then to Elephant village where I got to pet an elephant and watch him eat and what not. Then the tuk tuk driver ran out of gas and so I met a couple of nice Indians by the side of the road and hung out with them until he refilled. There are so many things I want to go into detail about, little stories and details and descriptions and people, but I have things to do tonight before I leave for Pushkar tomorrow and I don't like being on timed computers. My plan as of now is to go to Pushkar (which is the home of the only Temple of Brahma in all of India and which is a sacred place for Hindus and contains a lake which, like the Ganges, is supposed to wash away all sins, but the city is now a little more famous for the Camel Festival and hippies and pot) for a couple of days, depending on how I like it there, then coming back to Jaipur to collect my big bag, which I am leaving with Mr. Singh since he was nice enough to offer his lock room and since its compressing my mid spine and I'm happy not to have to carry it around for a day or two, and then heading to the Vipassana center here for a few days, coming back to experience a day of Diwali in Jaipur before heading to Agra for a day, if I can get a ticket, and then to Varanasi and then I'll figure it out from there. I will try to write again soon.
P.S. Thank you in a big way to everyone who sent me emails and messages and what not...they were quite helpful keeping it together through some of the more coo coo moments. I am doing a lot better now that I have gotten a little bit of sleep, am getting the hang of how to speak and eat and spend here, and can string 3 or 4 breaths together at a time. Be good.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
INDI-AHHHH!
In Delhi there are four vehicles to two lanes and the horns never stop, rickshaws, taxis, buses, bicycles, motorcycles and pedestrians push their way through the bustle. The whole place smells of spices and garbage. Young men live on mattresses in the dirt and garbage beneath highway bridges on the side of the road and urinate in the open while women in bright colored saris ride side saddle on the backs of broken down motorcycles. Most everyone wants to sell you something and while you can fight off the commercialism in you there is only so long you can deny 20 rupees (less than 50 cents) to a man with no hands following you through the big bazarre adorned with overhead Christmas lights, car fumes and child labor. Its overwhelming and I'm a little lonely and tired already or constantly guarding my pockets and bags...being so mistrustful is not in our nature and so it exhausts the mind. I have taken up with a information center which I know is ripping me off a little but I needed a place to crash after being up for more than 24 hours...I got a room for tomorrow night for a third of the price...and its essentially the same room and only a block and a half away. Going to the US and Nepalese embassies tomorrow and then maybe a little sightseeing depending on my stomach's condition after my first Indian meal...which was quite yummy. I couldn't get a train to Jaipur till the day after tomorrow since, little did I know, its crazy festival season all over India and everythings a-movin-and-a-shakin and jam packed. I need some sleep if you couldn't tell...this is being written entirely on my phone for the first time which I better get used to since I don't know about internet availability, so sorry if there are a lot of goofs. Alright, good night from the other side of the world. I hope you all generate some gratitude next time you drink water from the tap or take a bite out of a piece of fruit without having to fry it twice to make sure everything on it is dead haha. Send messages, I could use some company.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Pieces of Paris and The Battle of Deutschland
In the interest of staying in the present moment, I will also have to forgo writing in detail about my visit to the Musée d´Orsay, which would have constituted the majority of a "Paris the Third" entry. The highlights of which were standing before Manet´s larger than life masterpiece Le Dejeuner sur l´herbe and finally getting it after all those classes that just called him the "father of impressionism" but never got to the point, seeing the shapes--triangles upon triangles and lines and perfectly abused perspective and arches and circles, the patterns and strokes, the metaphor of the modern man inviting the classical nude into the modern age as she looks to you for a sign; the two small rooms filled with Degas´pastels took me over an hour to get through and which sucked me into a gentle dimension; and last but certainly not least, seeing that often reproduced and studied self portrait of Van Gogh, his serious gaze dancing in a greenish blue flame, his brush strokes more daring that any sighted artist before him...oy, it was all exhausting and invigorating.
I will also be skipping the detailed description of one of the greatest exhibits I´ve ever seen in my life: Monet at the National Gallery of the Grand Palais on my second go round in Paris. A lifetime of painting...200 pieces (which constitutes something like 10% of his known work) from age 25 to 86 of a man who dedicated his life to the almost impossible pursuit of capturing change, impermanence itself, in a static medium. They kept saying his subject was light, but light, like paint, was a tool, a signal, a means, the real subject was the ephemeral nature, the ungraspability of all compounded things. This was especially evident in the portrait of his first wife Camille, as she lay on her deathbed...purples and grays swirling into oblivion around a still young yet lifeless face. I have to stop myself or I´ll keep going forever.
As for Germany...
Its been a joyous week in many ways and a tough one in others. Its always a pleasure to spend time with energetic Sabine, her two children (Julian 10 and Oliver 9), her very chill mother, and her sister, Marion. I babysat the little ones one day and wandered about the Old City and sat in the tacky faux-Rococo Frauenkirche (Church of Our Lady) another and went to the gallery of the "New Masters" where many of the German Romantics, including my favorite, Caspar David Friedrich, hang out...and I ate falafel the whole time regardless of whatever else I was doing. Bine and I hung out when the kids were either asleep or at school and talked about politics and religion and meditation and change and depression and happiness and whatever else came up. She found this super-awesome veggie friendly organic place called "Aha" which we went to twice, once with Marion for a late dinner and then for lunch the next day. I spent a few hours at the "Health Museum" which featured two exhibits that interested me initially: Was ist Schön? (What is Beauty?) and "Religious Energy." I don´t feel sufficiently dispassionate about either exhibit at this point in time to really discuss the content of either one in any sort of detail, but I will say one thing about each. There is infinite beauty in the world and in each human being...but we´re looking in all the wrong places. And after listening to an old jaded Israeli say that dying for the state of Israel is the only meaningful thing you can do with your life since the messiah is on his way, a Lutheran politician who says he doesn´t have any friends who aren´t Christian, a clueless Buddhist talk about how everything is predestined (by the way, there are few concepts further from the teachings of Siddhartha Gautama, the Buddha, than determinism and predestination, in fact determinists, materialists and nihilists were the primary philosophies he opposed at the time, and it is between these idealogies that he found the middle path), a confused Hindu priest-in-training talking about the colors of the multitude of deities in his tradition, and a Muslim woman hint that if only everyone were Muslim the world would be at peace...the only person who made a lick of sense to me was a 7 or so year old boy with no declared religion who, when asked the question, "What beliefs are important to you?", said, "That everybody is nice to each other, and has fun."
The more difficult aspects of my time in Germany included: long nights of unpleasant and very vivid dreams, back pain, a distinct lack of mindfulness and equanimity, an unbalanced diet (since Germany is really not a veggie friendly country) which in turn made my defense against the literally freezing weather here all but nonexistent, powerful cravings for sweets which I gave into more often than not and usually regretted later, and a sort of meloncholy and anxiety, which gave way to speedy and unmindful speech at times, internally more than externally. In the same way that you pick up old speech patterns and habit energies when you hang out with people you haven´t seen in a long time, especially those who are emblematic of a specific time period in your life in which your personality may have been very different, I think I picked up some old mental states and residual emotions and cravings from my time in Dresden from 2005 to 2007 and felt overwhelmed and unable at times to observe them from an objective place. I know that there are many things to learn from the experience and I have little doubt that I will eventually, but for now, a lot of it still feels overwhelming. Some part of me knows that I needed it after Plum Village, a place where its so easy to think that you have it all under control, and I am greatful in many ways that I got the opportunity to get a different viewpoint before heading to India. I will keep sitting and walking and shedding the light of mindfulness on whatever comes up as best I can and eventually I will see things for what they are...I know that there will be more wrong assumptions and false starts and ups and downs and doubts and old baggage and afflictions and ego buildings and tearings down...but thats a lot of why I´m on this trip isn´t it? Still doesn´t make it easy though.
As for Berlin...in truth, I don´t feel very strongly about the place. I realized that everyone who recommended the city to me either loves clubbing or World War II and Cold War history, neither of which are my cup of tea. I feel that Berlin, as a whole, has a conflict tearing at itself from the inside. It is torn between maintaining its economic stability, which it achieves in large part by its tourism business, which consists largley of repeating over and over again about book burnings and destruction and murder, and its desire to move on and also to utilitize the present moment, which is the only door to progress and real happiness. It has been three generations and its enough already with the guilt and the shame and the sensative subjects and taboos. The balance between not forgetting and completely living in the past is a difficult one I understand, but if we forget that the main causes of Hitler´s rise to power, WW II and the holocaust were shame, guilt, blame, economic desolation, and living in the past, history will repeat itself, and a new generation of Germans ashamed to be German and unable to speak openly about the positive aspects of their country and history will be created. And that is neither good for them, nor, as we have seen in history, is it good for anyone. There is no "How could this have happened?" situation if we look closely...every effect has a cause.
I took a tour bus around the city twice the first day and there was as much of a concentration on shopping and fashion, about which I care very little, as there was on the history of the city. I had a fun with Carmen and Sabine (by the way, for those of you who don´t know, Sabine was my (and mym siblings´) nanny from age 10 to 11 and 13 to 14, and Carmen from 12 to 13) walking around Berlin and eating in the restaurant with the mean waitress. I also enjoyed the Gendarmenmarkt, which is a bit sqare in the middle of Berlin built to echo the architecture of the Piazza del Popolo in Rome. The Thenis Rioni exibit at the Jewish Gallery in the New Synagogue (pictures on facebook) was also pretty fantastic. Wandering through the Holocaust memorial next to the Brandenberg gate was an experience, though I wouldn´t necessarily call it fun. I ate at a restaurant near by called Samadhi (how could I resist) later that day, which was decorated with Thay´s quote "Peace in oneself, Peace in the World" and numerous books..its helped a little to have mindfulness reinforced externally again. That is until my dish got there and turned out to be the spiciest thing I´ve ever eaten in my entire life (not an exaggeration)...I had to pass on the last third before I started a full blown anxiety attack and passed out haha. But before I got that particularly hot plate, I was reading through Thay´s book "Being Peace," which I borrowed from the counter, and read about the purpose of meditation. He wrote that many people have the misconception that the purpose of meditation centers and retreats is to escape hardships and to separate from society, but that in truth meditation is preparation for re-entering society in a healthier way than when we took our leave. This was helpful for me. I need to remember that I can´t expect myself to be the same person in a bustling city filled with stress and commercialism as I am in Plum Village...its a gradual process and I need to take it a little easier on myself...and so do all of you.
I have to get ready for my flight now. Part of me still cant believe I´m going to India...but I´ll be there soon enough. I hope you are all happy and healthy. Metta to you all.
I will also be skipping the detailed description of one of the greatest exhibits I´ve ever seen in my life: Monet at the National Gallery of the Grand Palais on my second go round in Paris. A lifetime of painting...200 pieces (which constitutes something like 10% of his known work) from age 25 to 86 of a man who dedicated his life to the almost impossible pursuit of capturing change, impermanence itself, in a static medium. They kept saying his subject was light, but light, like paint, was a tool, a signal, a means, the real subject was the ephemeral nature, the ungraspability of all compounded things. This was especially evident in the portrait of his first wife Camille, as she lay on her deathbed...purples and grays swirling into oblivion around a still young yet lifeless face. I have to stop myself or I´ll keep going forever.
As for Germany...
Its been a joyous week in many ways and a tough one in others. Its always a pleasure to spend time with energetic Sabine, her two children (Julian 10 and Oliver 9), her very chill mother, and her sister, Marion. I babysat the little ones one day and wandered about the Old City and sat in the tacky faux-Rococo Frauenkirche (Church of Our Lady) another and went to the gallery of the "New Masters" where many of the German Romantics, including my favorite, Caspar David Friedrich, hang out...and I ate falafel the whole time regardless of whatever else I was doing. Bine and I hung out when the kids were either asleep or at school and talked about politics and religion and meditation and change and depression and happiness and whatever else came up. She found this super-awesome veggie friendly organic place called "Aha" which we went to twice, once with Marion for a late dinner and then for lunch the next day. I spent a few hours at the "Health Museum" which featured two exhibits that interested me initially: Was ist Schön? (What is Beauty?) and "Religious Energy." I don´t feel sufficiently dispassionate about either exhibit at this point in time to really discuss the content of either one in any sort of detail, but I will say one thing about each. There is infinite beauty in the world and in each human being...but we´re looking in all the wrong places. And after listening to an old jaded Israeli say that dying for the state of Israel is the only meaningful thing you can do with your life since the messiah is on his way, a Lutheran politician who says he doesn´t have any friends who aren´t Christian, a clueless Buddhist talk about how everything is predestined (by the way, there are few concepts further from the teachings of Siddhartha Gautama, the Buddha, than determinism and predestination, in fact determinists, materialists and nihilists were the primary philosophies he opposed at the time, and it is between these idealogies that he found the middle path), a confused Hindu priest-in-training talking about the colors of the multitude of deities in his tradition, and a Muslim woman hint that if only everyone were Muslim the world would be at peace...the only person who made a lick of sense to me was a 7 or so year old boy with no declared religion who, when asked the question, "What beliefs are important to you?", said, "That everybody is nice to each other, and has fun."
The more difficult aspects of my time in Germany included: long nights of unpleasant and very vivid dreams, back pain, a distinct lack of mindfulness and equanimity, an unbalanced diet (since Germany is really not a veggie friendly country) which in turn made my defense against the literally freezing weather here all but nonexistent, powerful cravings for sweets which I gave into more often than not and usually regretted later, and a sort of meloncholy and anxiety, which gave way to speedy and unmindful speech at times, internally more than externally. In the same way that you pick up old speech patterns and habit energies when you hang out with people you haven´t seen in a long time, especially those who are emblematic of a specific time period in your life in which your personality may have been very different, I think I picked up some old mental states and residual emotions and cravings from my time in Dresden from 2005 to 2007 and felt overwhelmed and unable at times to observe them from an objective place. I know that there are many things to learn from the experience and I have little doubt that I will eventually, but for now, a lot of it still feels overwhelming. Some part of me knows that I needed it after Plum Village, a place where its so easy to think that you have it all under control, and I am greatful in many ways that I got the opportunity to get a different viewpoint before heading to India. I will keep sitting and walking and shedding the light of mindfulness on whatever comes up as best I can and eventually I will see things for what they are...I know that there will be more wrong assumptions and false starts and ups and downs and doubts and old baggage and afflictions and ego buildings and tearings down...but thats a lot of why I´m on this trip isn´t it? Still doesn´t make it easy though.
As for Berlin...in truth, I don´t feel very strongly about the place. I realized that everyone who recommended the city to me either loves clubbing or World War II and Cold War history, neither of which are my cup of tea. I feel that Berlin, as a whole, has a conflict tearing at itself from the inside. It is torn between maintaining its economic stability, which it achieves in large part by its tourism business, which consists largley of repeating over and over again about book burnings and destruction and murder, and its desire to move on and also to utilitize the present moment, which is the only door to progress and real happiness. It has been three generations and its enough already with the guilt and the shame and the sensative subjects and taboos. The balance between not forgetting and completely living in the past is a difficult one I understand, but if we forget that the main causes of Hitler´s rise to power, WW II and the holocaust were shame, guilt, blame, economic desolation, and living in the past, history will repeat itself, and a new generation of Germans ashamed to be German and unable to speak openly about the positive aspects of their country and history will be created. And that is neither good for them, nor, as we have seen in history, is it good for anyone. There is no "How could this have happened?" situation if we look closely...every effect has a cause.
I took a tour bus around the city twice the first day and there was as much of a concentration on shopping and fashion, about which I care very little, as there was on the history of the city. I had a fun with Carmen and Sabine (by the way, for those of you who don´t know, Sabine was my (and mym siblings´) nanny from age 10 to 11 and 13 to 14, and Carmen from 12 to 13) walking around Berlin and eating in the restaurant with the mean waitress. I also enjoyed the Gendarmenmarkt, which is a bit sqare in the middle of Berlin built to echo the architecture of the Piazza del Popolo in Rome. The Thenis Rioni exibit at the Jewish Gallery in the New Synagogue (pictures on facebook) was also pretty fantastic. Wandering through the Holocaust memorial next to the Brandenberg gate was an experience, though I wouldn´t necessarily call it fun. I ate at a restaurant near by called Samadhi (how could I resist) later that day, which was decorated with Thay´s quote "Peace in oneself, Peace in the World" and numerous books..its helped a little to have mindfulness reinforced externally again. That is until my dish got there and turned out to be the spiciest thing I´ve ever eaten in my entire life (not an exaggeration)...I had to pass on the last third before I started a full blown anxiety attack and passed out haha. But before I got that particularly hot plate, I was reading through Thay´s book "Being Peace," which I borrowed from the counter, and read about the purpose of meditation. He wrote that many people have the misconception that the purpose of meditation centers and retreats is to escape hardships and to separate from society, but that in truth meditation is preparation for re-entering society in a healthier way than when we took our leave. This was helpful for me. I need to remember that I can´t expect myself to be the same person in a bustling city filled with stress and commercialism as I am in Plum Village...its a gradual process and I need to take it a little easier on myself...and so do all of you.
I have to get ready for my flight now. Part of me still cant believe I´m going to India...but I´ll be there soon enough. I hope you are all happy and healthy. Metta to you all.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Bamboo Grows Tall in the Pure Land
"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes."
-Marcel Proust
"Awareness is a mirror
Reflecting the four elements
Beauty is a heart that generates love
And a mind that is open"
-Thich Nhat Hanh
(taped next to the mirror in the bathroom at Plum Village)
I am only 25 and there´s a lot of the world I haven´t seen. That being said, I have never been to a physical place on any continent that is more in harmony with (what I believe to be) the natural state of human existence: goodness, mutual support, clarity, mindfulness, inclusiveness, joy and peace. To be clear, the monastery is not devoid of stress, disagreements and a touch of gossip, but it is filled with people, monastics and lay, who have become fed up with repression, revenge, and exclusivity and are dedicated to eradicating unskillfull reactions and mental states from themselves by the power of smrti (pali: sati, eng: mindfulness). Every individual´s primary concern is the cultivation of their own happiness and the happiness of every other individual. The fact that I was in the region and almost let the opportunity pass me by seems like a bad joke now. I remember thinking before I arrived in Plum Village but after I made plans to go, "Thay (pronounced Thai, means "teacher" in Vietnamese and is how Thich Nhat Hanh is referred to by members of the sangha) won´t be there, but it will still be wonderful to see the place he´s always writing about in his books and to spend some time with the monks." When I arrived it and then spent a couple of days there became, "The only thing that could make this place better is if Thay were here and if the lotus ponds were filled in." By the last couple days I began to see Thay in every smile of every member of the sangha, in every slow footstep of the walking meditation and realized that he had never left. The lotus ponds too were filled in, in the moments I looked with timeless eyes and saw that when conditions were sufficient the water and lotuses would manifest. Thay´s presence was especially tangible on his 84th "continuation day" (Thich Nhat Hanh´s replacement of "birthday" with "continuation day" is to emphasize that from the perspective of the ultimate, of nirvana, nothing is born and nothing dies, there is no coming and no going, there is no same and no different, there is no being and there is no non-being), the 11th of October, when many monks and nuns shared, in speech and song, their stories of Thay and their feelings of gratitude for his teachings and presence. Before giving an anouncement or talking in a "sharing" or in a dharma talk, every individual speaker began with "Dear Thay, Dear Brothers (and Sisters if the female monastics and lay people were present)", and addressing Thay in his physical absence went from being a formality to a reality in my mind.
Much of the sangha was away from Plum Village with Thay on his South East Asian tour, doing retreats in Indonesia, Malaysia and Thailand, so there were fewer monks and lay people there than normal. At the start the lay crew of Linden Tree (the dorm where I slept) consisted of Michael (a very funny mid thirties German-Croat tea afficionado, who is considering becoming a monk and is happy he doesn´t have to give up his faith in Jesus to do it...he picked me up from the train station and was my tea master on mornings he was able to get out of bed on time, he had been at Plum Village for 9 months), Ansh (a quiet and mindful late twenties native of New Delhi who arrived the same day I did and has a competitive streak when it comes to ping pong and no trouble sitting in half lotus for hours at a time, and was also spending time at PV to see about becoming a monk...he was very willing to help me with India plans and to give me some advice), Philippe (a moody but sweet once-you-got-to-know-him early forties Frenchman with kind eyes and a good smile who helped me with my train ticket refund and is also considering becoming a monk), Sun (a mid thirties super nice and goofy Vietnamese Texan, no seriously, who works for an energy company in Houston, taught me a little vietnamese and came fig picking with me early one morning while it was still dark to get breakfast together for the sangha....he and I sat together in the meditation hall on the night of our arrival, he was staying for 2 weeks) and Martin (oh Martin haha, a generous, story telling, tea obsessed, good-hearted mid forties father of two from the Netherlands who informed us that the Dutch are so tall and fit because of mashed potatos and lots of greens...he was originally a little put off by the new arrivals but quickly warmed up to us, he gave me a ride to Paris last Friday and we shared some good words on the way...I feel like will see each other again some how some way). We were joined by a few others along the way, all of whom were fantastic additions save one, who arrived two days before we left and refused to speak to anyone or participate in any activities. Some people have strange misconceptions of what mindful living is and cling to those misconceptions even when reality smacks em in the face. But, I think we´re all guilty of that from time to time.
Other awesome characters include aspirants (those in the roughly year long trial period before becoming a novice and then a monk) Soogee (early thirties full of smiles and sillyness, but very genuine Indonesian who does finger dances to Dharma songs and who, like me, got his first serious sitting experience from the Vipassana Centers in the U Ba Kinh/S.N. Goenka lineage, and no like me can memorize a row of over 50 random numbers and recite them forward, backward, and sideways), Javier (the early thirties techno loving, beat making, totally ridiculous Belgian who I got to know well only on the last day but who made me laugh consistantly) and Stanislaus (the stoic yet loving middle aged and, I sense, deeply wounded Pollack, appropriately called a "big bear" at one of the sharings, who presented "Zeitgeist Addendum" for movie night...an odd choice considering where we were but everyone should see it at least once I suppose), and long term lay workers Stuart (a mid-thirties genuine, honest, humble and friendly green-thumb native of Edinburgh, Scotland with a troubled past...I don´t think anyone there was devoid of a troubled past haha...he and I worked in the greenhouse together--you can take the boy off the farm but apparently I wasn´t ready to give up the dirt...he had been there for 3 years save a month or so in Scotland each year and a short stint at a Cistertian monastery off the coast of Nice, which, ironically, I visited about five years ago) and other Stuart (late 20´s deep listening, pro smiler native of northern England who worked in the kitchen primarily and came to hang out with me while I played guitar on "lazy day"...he had been there for 16 months or so). David (a mid thirties Parisian pharmacist with a classic over-the-top French accent when he spoke English, who plays a mean game of ping-pong and with whom I took a couple walks by the vineyard at sunset), other David (an early thirties native of Brussels with a huge goofy smile he wore almost all the time and who accompanied me while weeding in front of the meditation hall during working meditation) and Patrick (early 60´s lighthearted Frenchman who originally was bothered by our tea time conversations as he wanted to sleep, ended up joining in full force after a day or so and told me that if I wanted to save my stomach in India, I had to eat French cheese, namely Camambert...spoken like a true Frenchman...but I humbly obeyed haha). I hadn´t planned on spending so many words on the people, but what´s a flower garden without the flowers?...some dirt thats what haha. Its amazing how close knit a group can become in only a few days.
The Basic Practice and a Day in the Life of the Upper Hamlet of Villages des Pruniers/ Lang Mai/ Plum Village:
Every time a bell rings in Plum Village, whether a clock chime or a singing bowl or the nearby church bells, everyone stops whatever they are doing, and in silence, takes three breaths and returns to the present moment. (As one of my many asides: If you have ever had trouble understanding, as I have, the paradox of the wave/particle duality of an electron or photon, listen deeply to a singing bowl rung by a Zen master haha...seriously though.) No two days at Plum Village are exactly alike and every Monday is Lazy Day (for which there is no schedule except for meal times, and on which you are encouraged to do as little as possible...but I liked doing some "lazy working" with Stuart in the greenhouse) and Thursdays and Sundays are "Mindfulness Days" where we are joined in the monastery by the nearby lay community for lunch and a dharma talk (these are the same days marked for public visitation at Deer Park monastery in California for anyone interested, I highly recommend it). What follows is the schedule for the other days of the week.
The wake up bell sounds at 5 am accompanied by chanting. On mornings when we got up fast enough we have a little tea ceremony in silence (since Noble Silence goes from 10 pm until after breakfast ~8am). I walk out of the Linden Tree and down the stairs to the walking path and a cold and still black morning illuminated only by the constellations in order to make it to the Meditation Hall by 5:45. I open the first set of doors all bundled up, slip off my shoes, enter the silent and spacious wooden hall through the second set of doors, over which there is stained glass (the same as at Deer Park Monastery in Escondido) of a lamp above three sanskrit words: smrti, samadhi, prajna (mindfulness, concentration, insight), bow toward the seated Buddha statue seen through the window at the other end of the hall, walk to my cushion, bow and sit. Our cushions face out from the center and there are windows at sitting level so we see the trees and the grass. At 5:45 the bell is rung three times and very beautiful chanting begins either in English, French or Vietnamese. We sit for between half an hour and 45 minutes, usually in silence, sometimes with some guidance "Breathing in, I know I am breathing in. Breathing out, I know I am breathing out." The bell is rung once, we open our eyes and bow and stretch our legs. The bell is rung twice, we stand, turn around, bow to the monks and lay people on the other side of the room. The third time toward the statue seated on the grass outside. We practice slow walking meditation for 15 minutes or so...in breath with the left foot, out breath with the right foot. We stop when we reach our cushions again. Next we "Touch the Earth" (a practice, which as far as I am aware, is particular to Thich Nhat Hanh´s form of Zen in which we prostrate three times in order to draw strength and stability from the earth and to humble ourselves as we walk the path of the Noble Ones, and as a side note: it is derived from the earth touching gesture the Buddha made at the moment directly preceding his awakening). We do this after being read a section of the five mindfulness trainings (Thay´s reworking of the five lay precepts, namely the avoidance of the unskillful behaviors: killing, stealing, sexual misconduct, unmindful consumption/intoxication and harmful speech) or some other related teaching of Thay´s to keep in mind during the ceremony and throughout the day. (Once it revolved around not supporting or investing in companies which pollute the environment, are involved in the killing of people or animals, or which benefit only the few while harming the many. Once it was about the mindful use of sexual energy. And another time about being grateful for the gifts of the earth and about mindfulness food preparation in order not to contaminate what would be consumed by others with negative energy.) We sweep off our cushions and silently exit the hall, bowing again before we walk out the doors. Next is about half an hour of stretching and a form of Qi Gong using bamboo staffs in the courtyard in front of the meditation hall. We are led by a monk who usually speaks so quietly the morning breeze makes it impossible to hear the instructions but it doesn´t matter cause we follow the movements and know that the first half of the motion is with the in breath and the second with the out breath. Some of the motions very clearly have martial application and I think this is a result of Thay having watched and lived through the Vietnam War, banishment from his own country because of his advocacy of peace and non-violence, the Civil Rights movement beside Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., various brutal actions against South East Asian Buddhist monks by their respective governments, not to mention the near extermination of Tibetan Buddhism by the Chinese, and I think Thay has developed an appreciation for self defense and physical fitness, not in spite of but in addition to, inner peace and infinite compassion. (Aside: While Dao based Taiji and other arts already existed at Wudan mountain, many, if not most, forms of Chinese based martial arts are attributed to Bodhidharma, founder of the legendary Shaolin Temple and father of the Ch´an (skrt "dhyana", jap "zen") school of Chinese Buddhism in the 6th century C.E. It is thought that he taught the meditative motions as a way to maintain mindfulness while counteracting the physical stagnation of the long sitting hours of the monks.) We eat a silent breakfast in the dining hall after the bell is sounded, after which we have some time to straighten up our living quarters, talk to one another and take a nap if needed. At ten we have a get together of some kind in the Transformation Hall, either a "Happiness Meeting" or a study of one of the Five Mindfulness Trainings or a "Beginning Anew," all of which are very special. At 11:30 we gather beneath the great Linden Tree (an actual tree this time) in to sing songs in preparation for walking meditation. They are songs about dwelling in the present moment, being home in the here and the now, being a tree with deep roots, being happy with what we have, about being free...we sing in English "I have arrived, I am home, in there and in the now", French "Je suis chez moi, Je suis arrive, bien ici et maintenant," and even Vietnamese sometimes "?". My favorite of the English songs, partly because of the lyrics, but also because it had the prettiest melody of any of the English songs, I have decided to include:
Here is the Pure Land
The Pure Land is here
I smile and walk in mindfulness
I dwell in the present moment
The Buddha I see in an autumn leaf
The Dharma in a floating could
The Sangha body is everywhere
And I enjoy every moment
Breathing in, flowers are blooming
Breathing out, I am aware that
Bamboo is swaying, my mind is clear
And I enjoy every moment
One we have sung our fill, we walk at a slow but pleasant pace behind the leader for the day as he guides us through the forest path or around the lotus pond, pausing once or twice to look out at a pleasant view. After about thirty minutes, we stop and are led in the 10 mindful movements (see video included in previous post) before finishing the mindful walking and ending back in the vicinity of the dining hall. Lunchtime is sounded by the bell and eating begins only when every person has their food and is seated. The bell is rung three times to signal that everyone is present. We are told that "This food is the gift of the whole universe" and ask that we might use the energy it provides to help us overcome our afflicted mental states, especially greed, which is in the form of immoderate eating in this context. We bow to our food and to each other and practice mindful eating together for in silence for 20 minutes. We chew our food completely so that it is easier for our stomach to digest and attempt to experience our food with all six senses. We try not to take more than we need and we try not to waste. The bell is sounded, we breathe, and either finish our food if we have not already done so or stand and clean our dishes and take tea if we wish. We have two hours before "working meditation" at 3, in which we can rest or play ping pong :). Before working meditation we sing songs again and then jobs are chosen. Though I did not always enjoy working meditation as much as I could have if I had looked more deeply, I did learn some things. I learned from the weeds in front of the meditation hall that you must come at your deep rooted mental afflictions from multiple angles, because the take-no-prisoners-all-or-nothing-tough-guy-american-macho approach will only rip at the surface, leaving the roots intact so you have the same problem multiplied next Spring. The eight meter tall bamboo stalks spoke the words, "Make yourself able to grow in any condition," as I raked up the leaves they had shed on the path. I don´t know exactly what I learned from the bathrooms...shit happens?...not everything has a clear lesson. After working meditation we do seated meditation again in the big meditation hall. Dinner follows closely and we can either eat inside in silence or outside and chat if the weather is nice, and if we are satisfied with partially mindful eating haha. The rest of the evening is generally ours to do with as we please and is divided between discussions, stories, walks along the property and tea parties. Lights out is at 10.
I would love to share about the fog covered hills we passed as we walked down the road to the Lower Hamlet for Thursday´s mindfulness day, about the Venerable´s dharma talk (the focus of which was tea and the history of), about the realization I had during "Total Relaxation" in the Transformation Hall that the ego is not the enemy (but is rather a well-meaning friend who does not know that the majority of his services are no longer required and are in fact a nuisance, and for whom we must generate compassion and forgiveness), about the days of frustration and mental opaqueness that followed that realization (it is not uncommon in my experience to come up against a solid wall in the practice soon after an experience of breaking up and release), about what it felt like to play my guitar and sing "The only dream I have is to dream no more, to be satisfied, every moment is an open door...I abide in the light, I´m gonna keep on swimming with all my might, against the stream" in Plum Village, or the first time I rested my mind with no object (albeit for moments at a time), or the dull ache that arises in my stomach when I think about passing up the opportunity to participate in the new teacher training program, or about the two hour conversation I had with an American born monk sitting in the dark on the floor of the "Room of the Ancestors" in the back of a meditation hall on my last night, and many other experiences, but it has occurred to me that I cannot write about everything.
I hope you are all well. I am in Dresden, Germany now and will be heading to Berlin in a couple days. Will write again soon.
-Marcel Proust
"Awareness is a mirror
Reflecting the four elements
Beauty is a heart that generates love
And a mind that is open"
-Thich Nhat Hanh
(taped next to the mirror in the bathroom at Plum Village)
I am only 25 and there´s a lot of the world I haven´t seen. That being said, I have never been to a physical place on any continent that is more in harmony with (what I believe to be) the natural state of human existence: goodness, mutual support, clarity, mindfulness, inclusiveness, joy and peace. To be clear, the monastery is not devoid of stress, disagreements and a touch of gossip, but it is filled with people, monastics and lay, who have become fed up with repression, revenge, and exclusivity and are dedicated to eradicating unskillfull reactions and mental states from themselves by the power of smrti (pali: sati, eng: mindfulness). Every individual´s primary concern is the cultivation of their own happiness and the happiness of every other individual. The fact that I was in the region and almost let the opportunity pass me by seems like a bad joke now. I remember thinking before I arrived in Plum Village but after I made plans to go, "Thay (pronounced Thai, means "teacher" in Vietnamese and is how Thich Nhat Hanh is referred to by members of the sangha) won´t be there, but it will still be wonderful to see the place he´s always writing about in his books and to spend some time with the monks." When I arrived it and then spent a couple of days there became, "The only thing that could make this place better is if Thay were here and if the lotus ponds were filled in." By the last couple days I began to see Thay in every smile of every member of the sangha, in every slow footstep of the walking meditation and realized that he had never left. The lotus ponds too were filled in, in the moments I looked with timeless eyes and saw that when conditions were sufficient the water and lotuses would manifest. Thay´s presence was especially tangible on his 84th "continuation day" (Thich Nhat Hanh´s replacement of "birthday" with "continuation day" is to emphasize that from the perspective of the ultimate, of nirvana, nothing is born and nothing dies, there is no coming and no going, there is no same and no different, there is no being and there is no non-being), the 11th of October, when many monks and nuns shared, in speech and song, their stories of Thay and their feelings of gratitude for his teachings and presence. Before giving an anouncement or talking in a "sharing" or in a dharma talk, every individual speaker began with "Dear Thay, Dear Brothers (and Sisters if the female monastics and lay people were present)", and addressing Thay in his physical absence went from being a formality to a reality in my mind.
Much of the sangha was away from Plum Village with Thay on his South East Asian tour, doing retreats in Indonesia, Malaysia and Thailand, so there were fewer monks and lay people there than normal. At the start the lay crew of Linden Tree (the dorm where I slept) consisted of Michael (a very funny mid thirties German-Croat tea afficionado, who is considering becoming a monk and is happy he doesn´t have to give up his faith in Jesus to do it...he picked me up from the train station and was my tea master on mornings he was able to get out of bed on time, he had been at Plum Village for 9 months), Ansh (a quiet and mindful late twenties native of New Delhi who arrived the same day I did and has a competitive streak when it comes to ping pong and no trouble sitting in half lotus for hours at a time, and was also spending time at PV to see about becoming a monk...he was very willing to help me with India plans and to give me some advice), Philippe (a moody but sweet once-you-got-to-know-him early forties Frenchman with kind eyes and a good smile who helped me with my train ticket refund and is also considering becoming a monk), Sun (a mid thirties super nice and goofy Vietnamese Texan, no seriously, who works for an energy company in Houston, taught me a little vietnamese and came fig picking with me early one morning while it was still dark to get breakfast together for the sangha....he and I sat together in the meditation hall on the night of our arrival, he was staying for 2 weeks) and Martin (oh Martin haha, a generous, story telling, tea obsessed, good-hearted mid forties father of two from the Netherlands who informed us that the Dutch are so tall and fit because of mashed potatos and lots of greens...he was originally a little put off by the new arrivals but quickly warmed up to us, he gave me a ride to Paris last Friday and we shared some good words on the way...I feel like will see each other again some how some way). We were joined by a few others along the way, all of whom were fantastic additions save one, who arrived two days before we left and refused to speak to anyone or participate in any activities. Some people have strange misconceptions of what mindful living is and cling to those misconceptions even when reality smacks em in the face. But, I think we´re all guilty of that from time to time.
Other awesome characters include aspirants (those in the roughly year long trial period before becoming a novice and then a monk) Soogee (early thirties full of smiles and sillyness, but very genuine Indonesian who does finger dances to Dharma songs and who, like me, got his first serious sitting experience from the Vipassana Centers in the U Ba Kinh/S.N. Goenka lineage, and no like me can memorize a row of over 50 random numbers and recite them forward, backward, and sideways), Javier (the early thirties techno loving, beat making, totally ridiculous Belgian who I got to know well only on the last day but who made me laugh consistantly) and Stanislaus (the stoic yet loving middle aged and, I sense, deeply wounded Pollack, appropriately called a "big bear" at one of the sharings, who presented "Zeitgeist Addendum" for movie night...an odd choice considering where we were but everyone should see it at least once I suppose), and long term lay workers Stuart (a mid-thirties genuine, honest, humble and friendly green-thumb native of Edinburgh, Scotland with a troubled past...I don´t think anyone there was devoid of a troubled past haha...he and I worked in the greenhouse together--you can take the boy off the farm but apparently I wasn´t ready to give up the dirt...he had been there for 3 years save a month or so in Scotland each year and a short stint at a Cistertian monastery off the coast of Nice, which, ironically, I visited about five years ago) and other Stuart (late 20´s deep listening, pro smiler native of northern England who worked in the kitchen primarily and came to hang out with me while I played guitar on "lazy day"...he had been there for 16 months or so). David (a mid thirties Parisian pharmacist with a classic over-the-top French accent when he spoke English, who plays a mean game of ping-pong and with whom I took a couple walks by the vineyard at sunset), other David (an early thirties native of Brussels with a huge goofy smile he wore almost all the time and who accompanied me while weeding in front of the meditation hall during working meditation) and Patrick (early 60´s lighthearted Frenchman who originally was bothered by our tea time conversations as he wanted to sleep, ended up joining in full force after a day or so and told me that if I wanted to save my stomach in India, I had to eat French cheese, namely Camambert...spoken like a true Frenchman...but I humbly obeyed haha). I hadn´t planned on spending so many words on the people, but what´s a flower garden without the flowers?...some dirt thats what haha. Its amazing how close knit a group can become in only a few days.
The Basic Practice and a Day in the Life of the Upper Hamlet of Villages des Pruniers/ Lang Mai/ Plum Village:
Every time a bell rings in Plum Village, whether a clock chime or a singing bowl or the nearby church bells, everyone stops whatever they are doing, and in silence, takes three breaths and returns to the present moment. (As one of my many asides: If you have ever had trouble understanding, as I have, the paradox of the wave/particle duality of an electron or photon, listen deeply to a singing bowl rung by a Zen master haha...seriously though.) No two days at Plum Village are exactly alike and every Monday is Lazy Day (for which there is no schedule except for meal times, and on which you are encouraged to do as little as possible...but I liked doing some "lazy working" with Stuart in the greenhouse) and Thursdays and Sundays are "Mindfulness Days" where we are joined in the monastery by the nearby lay community for lunch and a dharma talk (these are the same days marked for public visitation at Deer Park monastery in California for anyone interested, I highly recommend it). What follows is the schedule for the other days of the week.
The wake up bell sounds at 5 am accompanied by chanting. On mornings when we got up fast enough we have a little tea ceremony in silence (since Noble Silence goes from 10 pm until after breakfast ~8am). I walk out of the Linden Tree and down the stairs to the walking path and a cold and still black morning illuminated only by the constellations in order to make it to the Meditation Hall by 5:45. I open the first set of doors all bundled up, slip off my shoes, enter the silent and spacious wooden hall through the second set of doors, over which there is stained glass (the same as at Deer Park Monastery in Escondido) of a lamp above three sanskrit words: smrti, samadhi, prajna (mindfulness, concentration, insight), bow toward the seated Buddha statue seen through the window at the other end of the hall, walk to my cushion, bow and sit. Our cushions face out from the center and there are windows at sitting level so we see the trees and the grass. At 5:45 the bell is rung three times and very beautiful chanting begins either in English, French or Vietnamese. We sit for between half an hour and 45 minutes, usually in silence, sometimes with some guidance "Breathing in, I know I am breathing in. Breathing out, I know I am breathing out." The bell is rung once, we open our eyes and bow and stretch our legs. The bell is rung twice, we stand, turn around, bow to the monks and lay people on the other side of the room. The third time toward the statue seated on the grass outside. We practice slow walking meditation for 15 minutes or so...in breath with the left foot, out breath with the right foot. We stop when we reach our cushions again. Next we "Touch the Earth" (a practice, which as far as I am aware, is particular to Thich Nhat Hanh´s form of Zen in which we prostrate three times in order to draw strength and stability from the earth and to humble ourselves as we walk the path of the Noble Ones, and as a side note: it is derived from the earth touching gesture the Buddha made at the moment directly preceding his awakening). We do this after being read a section of the five mindfulness trainings (Thay´s reworking of the five lay precepts, namely the avoidance of the unskillful behaviors: killing, stealing, sexual misconduct, unmindful consumption/intoxication and harmful speech) or some other related teaching of Thay´s to keep in mind during the ceremony and throughout the day. (Once it revolved around not supporting or investing in companies which pollute the environment, are involved in the killing of people or animals, or which benefit only the few while harming the many. Once it was about the mindful use of sexual energy. And another time about being grateful for the gifts of the earth and about mindfulness food preparation in order not to contaminate what would be consumed by others with negative energy.) We sweep off our cushions and silently exit the hall, bowing again before we walk out the doors. Next is about half an hour of stretching and a form of Qi Gong using bamboo staffs in the courtyard in front of the meditation hall. We are led by a monk who usually speaks so quietly the morning breeze makes it impossible to hear the instructions but it doesn´t matter cause we follow the movements and know that the first half of the motion is with the in breath and the second with the out breath. Some of the motions very clearly have martial application and I think this is a result of Thay having watched and lived through the Vietnam War, banishment from his own country because of his advocacy of peace and non-violence, the Civil Rights movement beside Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., various brutal actions against South East Asian Buddhist monks by their respective governments, not to mention the near extermination of Tibetan Buddhism by the Chinese, and I think Thay has developed an appreciation for self defense and physical fitness, not in spite of but in addition to, inner peace and infinite compassion. (Aside: While Dao based Taiji and other arts already existed at Wudan mountain, many, if not most, forms of Chinese based martial arts are attributed to Bodhidharma, founder of the legendary Shaolin Temple and father of the Ch´an (skrt "dhyana", jap "zen") school of Chinese Buddhism in the 6th century C.E. It is thought that he taught the meditative motions as a way to maintain mindfulness while counteracting the physical stagnation of the long sitting hours of the monks.) We eat a silent breakfast in the dining hall after the bell is sounded, after which we have some time to straighten up our living quarters, talk to one another and take a nap if needed. At ten we have a get together of some kind in the Transformation Hall, either a "Happiness Meeting" or a study of one of the Five Mindfulness Trainings or a "Beginning Anew," all of which are very special. At 11:30 we gather beneath the great Linden Tree (an actual tree this time) in to sing songs in preparation for walking meditation. They are songs about dwelling in the present moment, being home in the here and the now, being a tree with deep roots, being happy with what we have, about being free...we sing in English "I have arrived, I am home, in there and in the now", French "Je suis chez moi, Je suis arrive, bien ici et maintenant," and even Vietnamese sometimes "?". My favorite of the English songs, partly because of the lyrics, but also because it had the prettiest melody of any of the English songs, I have decided to include:
Here is the Pure Land
The Pure Land is here
I smile and walk in mindfulness
I dwell in the present moment
The Buddha I see in an autumn leaf
The Dharma in a floating could
The Sangha body is everywhere
And I enjoy every moment
Breathing in, flowers are blooming
Breathing out, I am aware that
Bamboo is swaying, my mind is clear
And I enjoy every moment
One we have sung our fill, we walk at a slow but pleasant pace behind the leader for the day as he guides us through the forest path or around the lotus pond, pausing once or twice to look out at a pleasant view. After about thirty minutes, we stop and are led in the 10 mindful movements (see video included in previous post) before finishing the mindful walking and ending back in the vicinity of the dining hall. Lunchtime is sounded by the bell and eating begins only when every person has their food and is seated. The bell is rung three times to signal that everyone is present. We are told that "This food is the gift of the whole universe" and ask that we might use the energy it provides to help us overcome our afflicted mental states, especially greed, which is in the form of immoderate eating in this context. We bow to our food and to each other and practice mindful eating together for in silence for 20 minutes. We chew our food completely so that it is easier for our stomach to digest and attempt to experience our food with all six senses. We try not to take more than we need and we try not to waste. The bell is sounded, we breathe, and either finish our food if we have not already done so or stand and clean our dishes and take tea if we wish. We have two hours before "working meditation" at 3, in which we can rest or play ping pong :). Before working meditation we sing songs again and then jobs are chosen. Though I did not always enjoy working meditation as much as I could have if I had looked more deeply, I did learn some things. I learned from the weeds in front of the meditation hall that you must come at your deep rooted mental afflictions from multiple angles, because the take-no-prisoners-all-or-nothing-tough-guy-american-macho approach will only rip at the surface, leaving the roots intact so you have the same problem multiplied next Spring. The eight meter tall bamboo stalks spoke the words, "Make yourself able to grow in any condition," as I raked up the leaves they had shed on the path. I don´t know exactly what I learned from the bathrooms...shit happens?...not everything has a clear lesson. After working meditation we do seated meditation again in the big meditation hall. Dinner follows closely and we can either eat inside in silence or outside and chat if the weather is nice, and if we are satisfied with partially mindful eating haha. The rest of the evening is generally ours to do with as we please and is divided between discussions, stories, walks along the property and tea parties. Lights out is at 10.
I would love to share about the fog covered hills we passed as we walked down the road to the Lower Hamlet for Thursday´s mindfulness day, about the Venerable´s dharma talk (the focus of which was tea and the history of), about the realization I had during "Total Relaxation" in the Transformation Hall that the ego is not the enemy (but is rather a well-meaning friend who does not know that the majority of his services are no longer required and are in fact a nuisance, and for whom we must generate compassion and forgiveness), about the days of frustration and mental opaqueness that followed that realization (it is not uncommon in my experience to come up against a solid wall in the practice soon after an experience of breaking up and release), about what it felt like to play my guitar and sing "The only dream I have is to dream no more, to be satisfied, every moment is an open door...I abide in the light, I´m gonna keep on swimming with all my might, against the stream" in Plum Village, or the first time I rested my mind with no object (albeit for moments at a time), or the dull ache that arises in my stomach when I think about passing up the opportunity to participate in the new teacher training program, or about the two hour conversation I had with an American born monk sitting in the dark on the floor of the "Room of the Ancestors" in the back of a meditation hall on my last night, and many other experiences, but it has occurred to me that I cannot write about everything.
I hope you are all well. I am in Dresden, Germany now and will be heading to Berlin in a couple days. Will write again soon.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
The Paris Days: Part Deux
Hello again,
I wanted to get caught up before I head out to Plum Village so I thought this would be a good time to finish up the account of my time in Paris. Also, I found these interesting and decided to post them in case you would like to take a look the first two are on food and the last one is just for the beginning of the video, a little background on Thay and Plum Village:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVlJqwft9I8&feature=channel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCPEBM5ol0Q
On to Paris...
On my third day in Paris I took a train out to Versailles and paid a silly amount of money for a ticket to the "musical extravaganza" or something like that, which essentially meant that they played classical music over loud speakers as you walk through the gardens haha. I only did this cause I didn´t see another way in. I walked through the labyrinth for a little while, slowly making my way to great pool which looks like (if you could actually see it all in one shot) two of the pools in front of the Washington memorial in a plus sign shape, except bigger. I made it there only to find out that that was the end of the paid section and that the area around the pool was free...rrrr, I guess its better than if I had had to pay again. So I walked through in the forest which surrounded the pool for an hour or so (I had walked so long I thought I had made it to the other side of the pool only to find out upon my return that I had only made it to the left side of the plus). Then I sat down and watched the rowers for a while, did my tai chi form in the trees for another hour...all and all it was very relaxing. I handed my ticket to a nice French boy with his girlfriend in line since the tickets were good for ins and outs. I thought he shouldn´t have to cop €16 for a pair of tickets for a falsely advertised event. I took the train from Versailles into Paris with no real "goal" other than to pass by the Eiffel tower, which I did. And then I proceeded to walk ...and walk...and walk for the rest of the day. I weaved back and forth over the Seine for 5 or so hours. Something would draw me to one side and then I would see a church spire on that side and a huge dome on the other and so on. I walked all the way back to Notre Dame and after grabbing a not so awesome crepe and with my feet throbbing I hopped back on the metro for St. Cloud.
Day four (and maybe my favorite day in Paris, though they were all pretty awesome) was a Metta day. (Brief aside: I realized that I should clarify what I´m talking about when I say that today was a --insert pali word here-- day. I´m not following some isolated Buddhist calendar. Shortly before I left on this trip I had, in the 10 petals of the lotus on my wrist, tattooed the 10 paramitas ("perfectible qualities", also possibly read as "qualities that perfect") that I felt were appropriate for me (seven of the "traditional" ones and three I traded out for various reasons). They are: Sila (moral conduct, virtue, character), Kataññu (gratitude, lit. "acknowledging what has occurred"), Khanti (patience, tolerance, endurance), Pañña (insight, wisdom), Upekkha (equanimity, mental quiescence), Sati (mindfulness, remembering), Samadhi (meditative concentration), Viriya (energy, drive, effort), Dana (generosity), and Metta (goodwill, loving-kindness). I rotate the concentration of my practice, not at the exclusion of the other nine, around my wrist each day. So now you know what I´m talking about. And for those of you who don´t like tattoos...eh.) So, on day four I headed up to Montmartre (home of the Moulin Rouge and the artist district) and Sacre Coeur (Sacred Heart) which is a big beautiful church on top of a hill that overlooks all of Paris. As I wandered up the steep hill through Montmartre passing the cafes and street artists of all styles I had in mind the imagined images I conjured while reading the part of My Name Is Asher Lev when Asher goes to Paris to study art and wanders through Montemartre. The fact that the two did not match exactly did not bother me in the slightest, and I realized that the depression or stress caused by an imagined reality not aligning with actual reality is proportionate to our attachment to that imagined realm and our perceived dependency on it for our happiness (but more on imagination another time). In any case, I stopped into St. Pierre, a small church between the artists´ square and Sacre Coeur, and discovered amazing abstract stained glass crucifixion in the apse that kept my attention for quite a while. Then I headed over to the big church.
Out in front was a trio of young people, I assume students, playing beautifully arranged classical music and so I stood and watched for a bit before and after going in. I vaguely remembered having been at the church with my parents 11 years prior. (I remembered complaining about having to walk up the enormous hill and then eating my words when I saw the view.) In any case, I went inside the rather ornate church and after about a quarter of a round I decided that I would do my Metta practice while circumambulating the church, which I felt was appropriate given its name. So I walked through the church isles doing walking meditation, generating Metta, reciting (mentally) my now usual practice:
May I be grateful for the goodness in my life
May I always respond to pain with empathy and compassion
May I recognize pain in its myriad forms and not be blinded by delusion
May I realize true happiness
May all beings be grateful for the goodness in their lives
May they always respond to pain with empathy and compassion
May they recognize pain in its myriad forms and not be blinded by delusion
May all beings realize true happiness
After three rounds of that around the church and 40 minutes or so I was pretty amped and in quite a good mood. I headed out and hung out in the artists´square again and probably inspected every artist´s work and spoke with a few of them about their canvases. I bought a Klimt print of Tod Und Leben that I liked very much in a nearby shop. I then remembered that I wanted to see the Bateau Lavoir (a small apartment complex in Montemartre, which housed many a great artist, including Picasso before he became a household name and which also made an important appearance in My Name is Asher Lev) but I couldn´t remember what it was called so I asked one of the artists in my fantastic French where "Picasso´s Castle" was. After he looked at me a little funny he figured out what I was talking about and pointed me in the right direction..unfortunately for me, though it may have been the right general direction it took me an hour and a half to get there...I walked in a big circle right around it. Once I finally got there, I discovered that between the time the book was written and now it had been destroyed by fire and rebuilt..but it didn´t really lessen the effect on me. I sat in the square for a while and saw a highschool field trip approach the little building while they´re teacher gave them the history in French and I ate my lunch (oh, and it took them a while to find it too so it wasn´t just me). I walked around quite content for a little bit before heading back to the train and to St. Cloud.
Alright, I thought I could get done with Paris today but it ain´t gonna happen. I gotta get organized and rested for tomorrow. I´m pretty excited for Plum Village. I hope you enjoy the clips if you watched them.
I wanted to get caught up before I head out to Plum Village so I thought this would be a good time to finish up the account of my time in Paris. Also, I found these interesting and decided to post them in case you would like to take a look the first two are on food and the last one is just for the beginning of the video, a little background on Thay and Plum Village:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVlJqwft9I8&feature=channel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCPEBM5ol0Q
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hW6Dm_m5t4&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZKrl5n79hY&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWerJwf3-3IOn to Paris...
On my third day in Paris I took a train out to Versailles and paid a silly amount of money for a ticket to the "musical extravaganza" or something like that, which essentially meant that they played classical music over loud speakers as you walk through the gardens haha. I only did this cause I didn´t see another way in. I walked through the labyrinth for a little while, slowly making my way to great pool which looks like (if you could actually see it all in one shot) two of the pools in front of the Washington memorial in a plus sign shape, except bigger. I made it there only to find out that that was the end of the paid section and that the area around the pool was free...rrrr, I guess its better than if I had had to pay again. So I walked through in the forest which surrounded the pool for an hour or so (I had walked so long I thought I had made it to the other side of the pool only to find out upon my return that I had only made it to the left side of the plus). Then I sat down and watched the rowers for a while, did my tai chi form in the trees for another hour...all and all it was very relaxing. I handed my ticket to a nice French boy with his girlfriend in line since the tickets were good for ins and outs. I thought he shouldn´t have to cop €16 for a pair of tickets for a falsely advertised event. I took the train from Versailles into Paris with no real "goal" other than to pass by the Eiffel tower, which I did. And then I proceeded to walk ...and walk...and walk for the rest of the day. I weaved back and forth over the Seine for 5 or so hours. Something would draw me to one side and then I would see a church spire on that side and a huge dome on the other and so on. I walked all the way back to Notre Dame and after grabbing a not so awesome crepe and with my feet throbbing I hopped back on the metro for St. Cloud.
Day four (and maybe my favorite day in Paris, though they were all pretty awesome) was a Metta day. (Brief aside: I realized that I should clarify what I´m talking about when I say that today was a --insert pali word here-- day. I´m not following some isolated Buddhist calendar. Shortly before I left on this trip I had, in the 10 petals of the lotus on my wrist, tattooed the 10 paramitas ("perfectible qualities", also possibly read as "qualities that perfect") that I felt were appropriate for me (seven of the "traditional" ones and three I traded out for various reasons). They are: Sila (moral conduct, virtue, character), Kataññu (gratitude, lit. "acknowledging what has occurred"), Khanti (patience, tolerance, endurance), Pañña (insight, wisdom), Upekkha (equanimity, mental quiescence), Sati (mindfulness, remembering), Samadhi (meditative concentration), Viriya (energy, drive, effort), Dana (generosity), and Metta (goodwill, loving-kindness). I rotate the concentration of my practice, not at the exclusion of the other nine, around my wrist each day. So now you know what I´m talking about. And for those of you who don´t like tattoos...eh.) So, on day four I headed up to Montmartre (home of the Moulin Rouge and the artist district) and Sacre Coeur (Sacred Heart) which is a big beautiful church on top of a hill that overlooks all of Paris. As I wandered up the steep hill through Montmartre passing the cafes and street artists of all styles I had in mind the imagined images I conjured while reading the part of My Name Is Asher Lev when Asher goes to Paris to study art and wanders through Montemartre. The fact that the two did not match exactly did not bother me in the slightest, and I realized that the depression or stress caused by an imagined reality not aligning with actual reality is proportionate to our attachment to that imagined realm and our perceived dependency on it for our happiness (but more on imagination another time). In any case, I stopped into St. Pierre, a small church between the artists´ square and Sacre Coeur, and discovered amazing abstract stained glass crucifixion in the apse that kept my attention for quite a while. Then I headed over to the big church.
Out in front was a trio of young people, I assume students, playing beautifully arranged classical music and so I stood and watched for a bit before and after going in. I vaguely remembered having been at the church with my parents 11 years prior. (I remembered complaining about having to walk up the enormous hill and then eating my words when I saw the view.) In any case, I went inside the rather ornate church and after about a quarter of a round I decided that I would do my Metta practice while circumambulating the church, which I felt was appropriate given its name. So I walked through the church isles doing walking meditation, generating Metta, reciting (mentally) my now usual practice:
May I be grateful for the goodness in my life
May I always respond to pain with empathy and compassion
May I recognize pain in its myriad forms and not be blinded by delusion
May I realize true happiness
May all beings be grateful for the goodness in their lives
May they always respond to pain with empathy and compassion
May they recognize pain in its myriad forms and not be blinded by delusion
May all beings realize true happiness
After three rounds of that around the church and 40 minutes or so I was pretty amped and in quite a good mood. I headed out and hung out in the artists´square again and probably inspected every artist´s work and spoke with a few of them about their canvases. I bought a Klimt print of Tod Und Leben that I liked very much in a nearby shop. I then remembered that I wanted to see the Bateau Lavoir (a small apartment complex in Montemartre, which housed many a great artist, including Picasso before he became a household name and which also made an important appearance in My Name is Asher Lev) but I couldn´t remember what it was called so I asked one of the artists in my fantastic French where "Picasso´s Castle" was. After he looked at me a little funny he figured out what I was talking about and pointed me in the right direction..unfortunately for me, though it may have been the right general direction it took me an hour and a half to get there...I walked in a big circle right around it. Once I finally got there, I discovered that between the time the book was written and now it had been destroyed by fire and rebuilt..but it didn´t really lessen the effect on me. I sat in the square for a while and saw a highschool field trip approach the little building while they´re teacher gave them the history in French and I ate my lunch (oh, and it took them a while to find it too so it wasn´t just me). I walked around quite content for a little bit before heading back to the train and to St. Cloud.
Alright, I thought I could get done with Paris today but it ain´t gonna happen. I gotta get organized and rested for tomorrow. I´m pretty excited for Plum Village. I hope you enjoy the clips if you watched them.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Plum Village Here We Come
I don´t really have the energy for a full post tonight as I am tired already and since I´m a little shaken up by the news that my sisters both have concussions as a result of being hit by a driver who ran a red light this morning. Mindfulness is more than just something we do on the cushion people, watch where you´re going. (If you are reading this I love you both and I give you kisses on your little dented heads from across the Atlantic).
Yesterday was a pretty emotional day in many a direction. The highlights are: 1. Ingrid and I finally had a little talk after she sort of snapped at me (don´t worry we´re cool...there was a little welling up on both sides but I think that was more a sign of the release than anything else...I think it was actually the most present and accepting I´ve been during criticism...I don´t necessarily agree with all of what was said, but its worth taking a look at in any case) and 2. I set in motion my plan to do a one week retreat at Plum Village (Thich Naht Hanh´s Zen practice center here in the Dordogne) from Friday the 8th to Friday the 15th, after which I will head back to Paris for two days and then go to Berlin and Dresden for eight. I confirmed pick up with them today so I am rather excited about that. I wasn´t going to even try due to the price, but with how perfectly the dates worked out and with my desire to keep the momentum of my practice going I gave it a chance and called. It turns out that they have a 50% discount for students and the unemployed, which put it just in price range (meaning I couldn´t justify staying away). Thay won´t be there as he is traveling through South-East Asia on a teaching tour (maybe I´ll catch him in that part of the world), but I´m confident it will be well worth the trip. I think I will benefit a great deal from a practice heavy environment at this point in time. The monastery is the reason I chose this region so I´m very happy its working out. I will probably not have internet access while at the monastery so I just wanted to give a heads up. Alright, goodnight.
Yesterday was a pretty emotional day in many a direction. The highlights are: 1. Ingrid and I finally had a little talk after she sort of snapped at me (don´t worry we´re cool...there was a little welling up on both sides but I think that was more a sign of the release than anything else...I think it was actually the most present and accepting I´ve been during criticism...I don´t necessarily agree with all of what was said, but its worth taking a look at in any case) and 2. I set in motion my plan to do a one week retreat at Plum Village (Thich Naht Hanh´s Zen practice center here in the Dordogne) from Friday the 8th to Friday the 15th, after which I will head back to Paris for two days and then go to Berlin and Dresden for eight. I confirmed pick up with them today so I am rather excited about that. I wasn´t going to even try due to the price, but with how perfectly the dates worked out and with my desire to keep the momentum of my practice going I gave it a chance and called. It turns out that they have a 50% discount for students and the unemployed, which put it just in price range (meaning I couldn´t justify staying away). Thay won´t be there as he is traveling through South-East Asia on a teaching tour (maybe I´ll catch him in that part of the world), but I´m confident it will be well worth the trip. I think I will benefit a great deal from a practice heavy environment at this point in time. The monastery is the reason I chose this region so I´m very happy its working out. I will probably not have internet access while at the monastery so I just wanted to give a heads up. Alright, goodnight.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Gratitude, Refuge and Shades of Green
written Oct 3rd:
Look out the window
Sunflower graveyards pass by
Winter is coming
Before anything else, I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has given me feedback on the blog since it´s hard for me to know whats going on with it sometimes. Ive gotten a wave of very positive emails recently and they have all brought sunshine into some of the shadow moments and given me a little more motivation to keep it moving along. It was a kataññu (gratitude) day yesterday so it worked out quite well. So thank you. Oh and I will continue to upload photos onto facebook as long as I can so just look under Mobile Uploads.
Its warm and raining here at La Lombarde Ouest. The Southern wind brings with it the Spanish warmth but I know it will not last long...back to the Northern winds and one degree above freezing at night soon enough. But its nice for now. So Ji and I had the weekend off which was nice. Three days ago we took a donkey named...well actually I´m not going to try to spell his crazy German name...I just call him Wershy...into the woods to collect pine-cones (yes, I also had many a thought of Winney the Pooh). I also gave Ingrid and Ji a guitar lesson which was nice. Yesterday we went to the farmer´s market in Sainte-Foy and today the four of us went to an Organic food fair in a town called Villeneuve about an hour and a half South of the farm. While the three of them went off to do their thing, I went to a basket making class taught entirely in French haha...and no, for anyone who doesn´t know, I don´t speak French. On the bright side, Ingrid now has another surface on which to put hot pots since we only had enough time to create what looks like a 12 pronged starfish made of reeds. Ji and I explored the town some after lunch...everything was closed and it had the feel of a ghost town. After a few hours of wandering we made our way back to the fair to wait for Wolfgang and Ingrid and I ate the best crepe I´ve ever had in my life...it was made from Spelt flour and had butter and cherry jam on it...so someone get on that. I found Wolfgang afterwards and listened to a little conversation on bio-Diesel in French which didn´t do so much for me but Wolfgang and I talked about it a little afterward and now I understand a little bit about the difference between the engines and the whole process. They had a machine in which you just put a bunch of sunflower seed or whatever kind seed you want almost and it spit out the oil, which after one more step was ready to put in the truck behind the booth to run it, and the "waste" of the seed in solid chunks which you could feed to the cows or what have you. The petrol and bio-Diesel (by which I mean the one mainstream company which seeks a monopoly on the product) lobbies are so powerful here that there is actually a law which states that one cannot make their own bio-fuel even though there is no danger in the process, it is completely environmentally sound, and it does less damage to the engines than the industry made product. Its hard for me to see anything there except that the law is decided by money and little else in matters of the environment and fuel. But this isn´t a whole lot different from what happened with the electric car.
The drive home was beautiful. I don´t think I´ve ever seen so many shades of green in my life as I have in the countryside of southern France. Just trees upon trees and fields and gardens and more trees. There were sunflower fields filled with dying or dead sunflowers, still facing the south, leaning their heads down as if in prayer. The French call them "turned to the sun" since no matter how you turn the pot or stem, they will always turn toward to the sun (the south is where you get the most exposure to the sun in the northern hemisphere, which is why moss usually grows on the north of trees for anyone who was around when I was trying to figure that whole thing out). I just wanted to keep driving...despite the fact that Wolfgang drives like a bat out of hell sometimes...I think he was excited to have his car back from the shop, but on those 12 ft wide country roads with all those turns...I guess its prep for India.
Alright, there´s a lot more but I´ll get to it tomorrow or another day cause I´m tired. But before sleep, a thought regarding the practice. A couple things have become a little clearer for me and I thought I would share them with you. As always, what follows is what I have found to be true in my personal experience thus far, but everyone has their own path and I make no assumptions that what works for me will work for everyone. That being said...
Creating a sanctuary in the present moment, within the framework of the body, vis-a-vis the breath, and cultivating pleasurable sensations within that sanctuary has been extremely helpful lately. Passive observation and non-reactivity have their niche within the practice and within life, but not at the cost of neglecting active engagement. The first formal one engages in on the path is to take refuge in the three jewels. Taking refuge in Buddha (the quality of awakening which exists in each of us), in Dhamma, and in Sangha (the community of wise and virtuous people whose company we seek to guide us and give us strength along the path). I realized that taking refuge in Dhamma does not just mean taking refuge in the teachings or in the concepts or philosophies of Buddhism, it means taking refuge in the practice of meditation and in the path itself. It means creating a sanctuary in the present moment, within myself, where it cannot be taken away by anyone or anything.
In one´s meditative infancy, one begins to examine the mind and the body, action and reaction...there is a gradual recalibration of the faculty by which we interact with reality and one of the side effects, at least for me and many others I know, is that there is an increased sensitivity, emotionally and psychologically, to various phenomena from world events to sensory objects/perception to relationships, etc. I went through a phase where I wound up more stressed out, jaded and closed off than I had been before and took it out on people close to me, because I woke up (just the tiniest bit) to how disorganized my mind was, how violent the world is, how much arrogance was behind my opinions, how unable I was to express what I was experiencing to the few people I hadn´t chased off at that point (by the way, the use of the past tense here is not supposed to imply that I am beyond these troubles, it is meant only to give a temporal frame of reference for the events I am describing haha). Being in an environment now where I have a certain level of tension (physically in my body after weeding and moving firewood all day, psychologically with Ingrid due to one misunderstanding or another, one premature judgment or another, emotionally when I think of those that I miss or when I get concerned about my future travels) on a daily basis, I have been obliged to search for a sanctuary. It is the first noble truth, that the unenlightened life is conditioned by suffering...I am not meditating or walking the path because I think everything is perfect and I´m happy all the time. I meditate because I see that there is suffering in life, much of it unnecessary and most of it, maybe all of it, exists within the mind alone. I do it because I believe the causes can be discovered (2nd noble truth) and eradicated (3rd noble truth) by practice (4th noble truth). Which finally brings me to my point...that when we face difficulties both internally and externally, we need a refuge, a retreat, a base camp, a place to feel safe, and that there is nothing wrong with cultivating the pleasure of samadhi (meditative concentration) and utilizing it to build said refuge. This sanctuary I have been constructing has given me 1. more motivation to practice, 2. a place from which I can view the situation from another angle, 3.a fall back point when I am looking at something unpleasant within myself or the world and it gets overwhelming, 4. more energy to continue with my day, and 5. just an overall sense of well-being which very often turns into effective metta practice. We all need a strong foundation if we are to help each other. We all need a point of reference if we are to navigate. Yes, upekkha (equanimity) is of the utmost importance in the struggle to live in a world where cruel and unpleasant things happen everyday and you feel helpless to do anything about them. But what about in the meanwhile, while we are cultivating that upekkha? What about when we have a bit of balance but then we discover a new level of observation bringing with it a new method of detecting stress? I say, and of course I stand on the shoulders of my teachers when I say this: BUILD A REFUGE. Objective observation is essential to any meditation that will guide one to transformative pañña (wisdom, insight), but refuge is fundamental to the ability to observe objectively, to cultivating upekkha, to living a life of peace, to the practice as a whole. We must know that there is somewhere we can go when it becomes too much. I have chosen the breath because it unites mind and body and is always in the present moment. I am aware that this refuge, along with all conditioned things, is marked by aniccia (impermanence), dukkha (stress/suffering), and anatta (lack of intrinsic essence/self), but it is a bridge I can dismantle when it is time to do so. In the meanwhile it is an extremely useful tool. So build a great fortress within yourself and within the present, call it home and explore the mind and the world from there.
Wow, I´m glad I finally got that out there, even if I´m the only one who reads it and/or if I´m the only one to whom it makes sense haha. This project (blog) has to be personal and relevant to what I am doing if I am to stay motivated to continue writing it. Anyways...goodnight, sleep tight and Breathe
Look out the window
Sunflower graveyards pass by
Winter is coming
Before anything else, I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has given me feedback on the blog since it´s hard for me to know whats going on with it sometimes. Ive gotten a wave of very positive emails recently and they have all brought sunshine into some of the shadow moments and given me a little more motivation to keep it moving along. It was a kataññu (gratitude) day yesterday so it worked out quite well. So thank you. Oh and I will continue to upload photos onto facebook as long as I can so just look under Mobile Uploads.
Its warm and raining here at La Lombarde Ouest. The Southern wind brings with it the Spanish warmth but I know it will not last long...back to the Northern winds and one degree above freezing at night soon enough. But its nice for now. So Ji and I had the weekend off which was nice. Three days ago we took a donkey named...well actually I´m not going to try to spell his crazy German name...I just call him Wershy...into the woods to collect pine-cones (yes, I also had many a thought of Winney the Pooh). I also gave Ingrid and Ji a guitar lesson which was nice. Yesterday we went to the farmer´s market in Sainte-Foy and today the four of us went to an Organic food fair in a town called Villeneuve about an hour and a half South of the farm. While the three of them went off to do their thing, I went to a basket making class taught entirely in French haha...and no, for anyone who doesn´t know, I don´t speak French. On the bright side, Ingrid now has another surface on which to put hot pots since we only had enough time to create what looks like a 12 pronged starfish made of reeds. Ji and I explored the town some after lunch...everything was closed and it had the feel of a ghost town. After a few hours of wandering we made our way back to the fair to wait for Wolfgang and Ingrid and I ate the best crepe I´ve ever had in my life...it was made from Spelt flour and had butter and cherry jam on it...so someone get on that. I found Wolfgang afterwards and listened to a little conversation on bio-Diesel in French which didn´t do so much for me but Wolfgang and I talked about it a little afterward and now I understand a little bit about the difference between the engines and the whole process. They had a machine in which you just put a bunch of sunflower seed or whatever kind seed you want almost and it spit out the oil, which after one more step was ready to put in the truck behind the booth to run it, and the "waste" of the seed in solid chunks which you could feed to the cows or what have you. The petrol and bio-Diesel (by which I mean the one mainstream company which seeks a monopoly on the product) lobbies are so powerful here that there is actually a law which states that one cannot make their own bio-fuel even though there is no danger in the process, it is completely environmentally sound, and it does less damage to the engines than the industry made product. Its hard for me to see anything there except that the law is decided by money and little else in matters of the environment and fuel. But this isn´t a whole lot different from what happened with the electric car.
The drive home was beautiful. I don´t think I´ve ever seen so many shades of green in my life as I have in the countryside of southern France. Just trees upon trees and fields and gardens and more trees. There were sunflower fields filled with dying or dead sunflowers, still facing the south, leaning their heads down as if in prayer. The French call them "turned to the sun" since no matter how you turn the pot or stem, they will always turn toward to the sun (the south is where you get the most exposure to the sun in the northern hemisphere, which is why moss usually grows on the north of trees for anyone who was around when I was trying to figure that whole thing out). I just wanted to keep driving...despite the fact that Wolfgang drives like a bat out of hell sometimes...I think he was excited to have his car back from the shop, but on those 12 ft wide country roads with all those turns...I guess its prep for India.
Alright, there´s a lot more but I´ll get to it tomorrow or another day cause I´m tired. But before sleep, a thought regarding the practice. A couple things have become a little clearer for me and I thought I would share them with you. As always, what follows is what I have found to be true in my personal experience thus far, but everyone has their own path and I make no assumptions that what works for me will work for everyone. That being said...
Creating a sanctuary in the present moment, within the framework of the body, vis-a-vis the breath, and cultivating pleasurable sensations within that sanctuary has been extremely helpful lately. Passive observation and non-reactivity have their niche within the practice and within life, but not at the cost of neglecting active engagement. The first formal one engages in on the path is to take refuge in the three jewels. Taking refuge in Buddha (the quality of awakening which exists in each of us), in Dhamma, and in Sangha (the community of wise and virtuous people whose company we seek to guide us and give us strength along the path). I realized that taking refuge in Dhamma does not just mean taking refuge in the teachings or in the concepts or philosophies of Buddhism, it means taking refuge in the practice of meditation and in the path itself. It means creating a sanctuary in the present moment, within myself, where it cannot be taken away by anyone or anything.
In one´s meditative infancy, one begins to examine the mind and the body, action and reaction...there is a gradual recalibration of the faculty by which we interact with reality and one of the side effects, at least for me and many others I know, is that there is an increased sensitivity, emotionally and psychologically, to various phenomena from world events to sensory objects/perception to relationships, etc. I went through a phase where I wound up more stressed out, jaded and closed off than I had been before and took it out on people close to me, because I woke up (just the tiniest bit) to how disorganized my mind was, how violent the world is, how much arrogance was behind my opinions, how unable I was to express what I was experiencing to the few people I hadn´t chased off at that point (by the way, the use of the past tense here is not supposed to imply that I am beyond these troubles, it is meant only to give a temporal frame of reference for the events I am describing haha). Being in an environment now where I have a certain level of tension (physically in my body after weeding and moving firewood all day, psychologically with Ingrid due to one misunderstanding or another, one premature judgment or another, emotionally when I think of those that I miss or when I get concerned about my future travels) on a daily basis, I have been obliged to search for a sanctuary. It is the first noble truth, that the unenlightened life is conditioned by suffering...I am not meditating or walking the path because I think everything is perfect and I´m happy all the time. I meditate because I see that there is suffering in life, much of it unnecessary and most of it, maybe all of it, exists within the mind alone. I do it because I believe the causes can be discovered (2nd noble truth) and eradicated (3rd noble truth) by practice (4th noble truth). Which finally brings me to my point...that when we face difficulties both internally and externally, we need a refuge, a retreat, a base camp, a place to feel safe, and that there is nothing wrong with cultivating the pleasure of samadhi (meditative concentration) and utilizing it to build said refuge. This sanctuary I have been constructing has given me 1. more motivation to practice, 2. a place from which I can view the situation from another angle, 3.a fall back point when I am looking at something unpleasant within myself or the world and it gets overwhelming, 4. more energy to continue with my day, and 5. just an overall sense of well-being which very often turns into effective metta practice. We all need a strong foundation if we are to help each other. We all need a point of reference if we are to navigate. Yes, upekkha (equanimity) is of the utmost importance in the struggle to live in a world where cruel and unpleasant things happen everyday and you feel helpless to do anything about them. But what about in the meanwhile, while we are cultivating that upekkha? What about when we have a bit of balance but then we discover a new level of observation bringing with it a new method of detecting stress? I say, and of course I stand on the shoulders of my teachers when I say this: BUILD A REFUGE. Objective observation is essential to any meditation that will guide one to transformative pañña (wisdom, insight), but refuge is fundamental to the ability to observe objectively, to cultivating upekkha, to living a life of peace, to the practice as a whole. We must know that there is somewhere we can go when it becomes too much. I have chosen the breath because it unites mind and body and is always in the present moment. I am aware that this refuge, along with all conditioned things, is marked by aniccia (impermanence), dukkha (stress/suffering), and anatta (lack of intrinsic essence/self), but it is a bridge I can dismantle when it is time to do so. In the meanwhile it is an extremely useful tool. So build a great fortress within yourself and within the present, call it home and explore the mind and the world from there.
Wow, I´m glad I finally got that out there, even if I´m the only one who reads it and/or if I´m the only one to whom it makes sense haha. This project (blog) has to be personal and relevant to what I am doing if I am to stay motivated to continue writing it. Anyways...goodnight, sleep tight and Breathe
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