O, O, Hari Hari...Monk-ease in the Jungle Breeze by the Coconut Trees, Wild Elephant Growls and the Three Klesa Dogs' Howls, Stupa Seats and the Black Ants that Sting My Feet: Ten Days on the Island of Sri Lanka

Haikus from the train from Gaya to Delhi:

There he sought to be
Knower, a cristalline truth
Just to find himself


Oh great tree of trees
Refuge of Awakenings
May your roots spread wide


Be skillful in war
There's fight in your surrender
Practice right effort


Eight spokes of a wheel
Carries its rider to light
Generous teaching

"Kindness is weakness"
Then death is life and life death
Open up your heart

Alright, I'm giving myself an hour to get this down and then I am off to do some hit and run traveling around the north in my last week here.  My time in Sri Lanka was very full and since we're getting to the point now where I can tell you all stories in person in a couple of weeks...here is a little snipit summary thing. 

I arrived in Delhi after a 14 hour train ride from Gaya...made my way over to Jagajjyoti ("light of the world") Buddha Vihar since thats where the chief monk from the meditation center in Bodhgaya had a room arranged for me.  I was taken over to see the giant Lotus Temple (a Ba'hai place of worship around the block) and the Iskcon Temple (a Hare Krishna house of worship...I chose to stay after on my own and see a light and sound show about the Bhagavad Gita and some of the tenets of the tradition...long story short...I have never been more freaked out by a tradition's show and tell and don't think I will ever bow to Krishna again...and no, to answer your next question...I have never been trapped in a room with the Scientologists so there is still room to be outdone).  Got up early and headed for the airport to catch my flights down south and then to the island.

Bhante (pali: "Teacher":) came to pick me up at the airpoart when I arrived and took me to his friends' temple in Colombo.  There I met Mangalam Thero (the chief monk and a friend of my teacher's since their 20's) and Sarda Thero (who cracked me up almost the entire time we were together even though he spoke almost no english..."no happy biscuit" haha) who were very kind and offered me food continuously and with whom I watched much cricket...though I had no idea what was going on...(but I did learn a little while I was there...you are kind of a freak if you don't know about cricket in Sri Lanka, so we extended my education passed the mere meditational/philosophical into the sporting realm).  Bhante and I spent the next couple days seeing some of the Temples around Colombo, going to the Zoo (and the hospital where I tossed a third of my budget for the trip seeing a doctor who didn't listen very well and getting some tests...but I feel awesome now on the plus side...still got one week left in India though...knock on sandlewood), and hitting up Kandy town to see the Tooth Relic temple and hearing some crazy magical stories which have sort of worked their way from the Sri Lankan folk realm into the Dharma.  One night I asked, "Is that in the tripitaka (pali: "three baskets" referring to the Pali Cannon comprised of the suttapitaka: the teachings of the Buddha to the lay community, vinayapitaka: teachings of the Buddha to the monastic community, and the abhidhammapitaka: Buddhist philosophy-psycology/commentaries on the Buddha's teachings by prominent disciples and teachers after the Buddha's death)?"...wondering why I had never heard about any of these stories of the Buddha in Sri Lanka before...and he informed me that the source for the stories that were depicted all over the walls of the temples etc were from the records of the early Sri Lankan kings...and it all made a little more sense.

Then we made our way to the Anuradapura area, into the jungle/forest adjacent to a village (known only by the name "small village"), to Bhante's temple/two bedroom, no bathroom brick structure.  It was beautiful and quiet and filled with green and the sounds of Sri Lankan wildlife.  (The entire island is a tropical botanical garden...other than Colombo and Kandy...everything is covered in green...its warm all year round and Bhante told me that they actually try not to plant trees since you can drop a seed anywhere and it grows wildly in record time).  I had my doubts for a bit at first but once the teaching started I could see that I had made the right decision to go down there.  Bhante is a very good teacher and has clearly found some things out and been able to integrate them into his life and mind.  I will not go into detail with regard to the specific practices and discussions since I have gained a respect for the privacy, for lack of a better word, of the teacher-disciple relationship and the necessity of context for certain practices and aspects of the Dhamma...and becasue there isn't much time here and to brush over even generalizations would be a diservice here.  I will say that the analytical meditations he had me doing were incredibly difficult for me at first and caused me a great deal of frustration...which I was able to work with later.  I have realized that Metta practice, especially toward myself, is going to have to comprise a large portion of my practice for a while to come...I have underestimated its importance and will have to continually reshape the practice in the future...it must evolve as we do.

On the second day in the woods, Bhante invited me to visit the school at which he teaches English and I got to teach the "itsy bitsy spider" and hand out candy.  From the reaction of most of the kids crowded on the walls looking into the classroom (the rooms are not enclosed since, with the whether on the Island, there is no reason to have them enclosed haha...that and money probably doesn't permit it) I was the first foreigner they had ever seen.  We had a blast there and the principle invited me to come and teach next time I was in the area...then he gave me cream soda and chocolate wafers...it was yummy. Long story short...I will be looking into ways to begin fundraising for Nepal and Sri Lankan schools and for Suren's medical school fund when I get back...and anyone that can offer some help/advice/money/whatever is welcomed with open arms.

I was ordained as a samanera (pali: "little renunciate", novice Buddhist monk) on the 16th of March, 2011 and given robes and the name Sobite (one of the Buddhas in the line of 28 in this age...to be honest I don't know much about the name other than that he is described as the Buddha of virtuous/good works according to Bhante).  I followed dasasila (ten precepts which include the five lay precepts [no killing, no taking that which is not freely offered, not to engage in sexual misconduct, not to tell lies and not to inbibe intoxicants] but the sexual misconduct vow changes to a Brahmacariya vow [one of celibacy] and then five more are added [no eating after mid-day, no sleeping on high or luxurious beds, no wearing of garlands, no body decorations, no handling of money] and we did puja by chanting, lighting coconut oil candles and offering jasmine flowers and incense at the ancient stupa and shrine opposite the temple, which was also were we did sitting meditation (this was also the first time I had done regular outdoor meditation, which also added to the difficulty but was a welcome change and a good experience.  I liked eating my bland food out of my begging bowl and not having to wonder what I was gonna wear and living in the quiet jungle with a good teacher (and one other monk who didn't speak much English and who was recovering from an injury and who I won't get the chance to talk about here) and monkeys and peacocks and those aweful wonderful horrible dogs that embodied everything paniful in physical existence, who taught me so much and allowed me some clarity into my own mind and instincts and unnecessary suffering, though it was difficult to always be present with the lessons.

Ahhhhh!...there are so many more things and places etc to relate to you but I gotta get outa here and be on the move again up north.  In short, I learned a lot, plan on visiting again before too much time passes, saw many cool sights, the Island is beautiful, the people there were consistently the nicest I have met on this trip, I was proposed to in an ice cream and tea shop haha and feel very fortunate to have had the opportunity to go...I have no doubt I made the right decision...though it looks like I will be completely bypassing Dharamsala (though it was one of the main reasons I originally set out to India...things change...something for next time) and Amritsar (home of the Sikh golden temple and an ugly bit of British violence during the colonial era fight for Independence)...but I am going to try to see Reshikesh (birthplace of Yoga and very near to the source of the Ganges, Dehradun and Chandigarh before heading back to Delhi to fly out on the first of April. 

I'm off.  Be good...be well...breath and smile and I'll write again soon...and see you soon :).  My phone is having some difficulty so unless I get it figured out there will not be any more pictures up on FB until I get back/get it fixed...it also means no pictures from the last week of this trip and that email will be a little more difficult for me so forgive that please.  Peace from the East...and Metta to you all.

May you be healthy in body and mind
May you be free from anger
May you be free from suffereing
May you achieve unbound happiness and lasting peace

Touching the Earth, Entering the Stream: Bodhgaya

Aneka jati samsaram
sandhavissam anibbisam
Gaha karakam gavesanto
dukkha jati punappunam

Gaha karaka ditthosi
puna geham na kahasi
Sabba te phasuka bhagga 
gaha kutam visankitam
Visankhara gatam cittam
tanhanam khaya majjhaga ti 

Through many a birth
I have wandered this samsara (cyclic existence),
seeking but not finding
the builder of this house.
Sorrowful is repeated birth.

O house builder! You are seen.
You shall build no house again.
All your rafters are broken.
Your ridge-pole is shattered.
My mind has attained the unconditioned.
Achieved is the end of craving.

-Udana Gatha/Paeon of Joy (utterance of the Buddha after Awakening beneath the Bodhi Tree)


...And so Siddhartha Gautam, after his journey outside of the palace walls, having seeing the four sights of old age, sickness, death and the ascetic wanderer, left his wife, Yasodhara, son, Rahula (who would later become a fully realized arahant and one of the Buddha's chief disciples), and all the worldly wealth and pleasures of a life in the palace, to search for liberation from the suffering of cyclic existence, to achieve nirvana, the unbinding.
He learned the first four dhyanas/jhanas (meditative absorption states) from one teacher, the next four from another...and though these gave his mind some release, it was only a temporary escape; eventually his awareness returned to a state of craving, enslaved by the impurities which remained at the root level of his mind.  Dissatisfied with the results of the practices he had mastered so quickly, and much to the dismay of his teachers who had wanted him to stay and teach in their names, Siddhartha left to join five ascetics (who would later become, formally speaking, his first five disciples and the recipients of his first teachings on the Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eightfold Path at the deer park in Isipattana/Sarnath) in their austere practices.  For six years Siddhartha practiced extreme self-mortification, eventually surviving on a grain of rice per day, sleeping outdoors in all weather in nothing more than an earth colored loincloth, holding his body in difficult positions for extended periods of time...all in the hopes that if the body were denied its pleasures and basic needs, that the mind would be freed from its prison.
One day, Sujata, a village girl (a deity by some Mahayana accounts) saw Siddhartha in meditation, emaciated and close to death.  Out of compassion and reverence, she offered the frail ascetic a bowl of khir (super awesome Indian rice pudding) and Siddhartha accepted the gift and ate.  It was then, feeling the strength return to his body and mind, that he realized the necessity of a middle path between an over indulgence of sense pleasure and attachment to form, and the torture of the body by denying its fundamental needs.  He saw that a healthy mind is founded on a healthy body...that the body is a window and a vehicle through which we experience the world and that we are stuck with it as we move through this life and so it must be taken care of if we are to practice mindful living and if we are to interact with others in a skillful way.  When his five companions shunned him for what they considered to be an act of weakness, Siddhartha continued on his own. 
As he walked alone, a memory came to him.  When he was five years old, he had wandered off on his own in the palace orchard...he had found a tree and sat cross-legged at its roots.  There in the shade, focusing on the rhythm of breath and the feelings in the body, he had quickly entered a deep and peaceful state that had left him feeling refreshed and clear headed.  It was with this experience in mind that, near Gaya, Siddhartha Gautam, not yet the Buddha, found a great Banyan tree and sat at its roots.  He took a vow of adhitthana ("strong determination") that he would not move from beneath this tree, bones be scattered, until he had achieved enlightenment.
Hearing the nature of this vow, Mara, lord of illusion and ignorance (the personification of all the afflictions within the human mind), came before Siddhartha and, in the hopes of dissuading him, offered every worldly pleasure (including material wealth, palaces and kingdoms, and even his three foxy daughters), and when that failed he attacked with his fiercest armies (of the five hindrances: anger/ill will, sense desire, doubt, sloth and torper, and restlessness and anxiety)...and though the battle raged in every corner of the young prince's mind, he was unshakable in his resolve, in his sati (mindfulness) and upekkha (equanimity).  Through the three watches of the night, the meditator had various insights into the nature of cyclic existence (life, death and rebirth)...of his own past, and that of all beings.  He observed the twelve steps of the chain of dependent origination...and saw where this chain could be broken.  He saw that if the cause of suffering is eliminated, the suffering does not arise.  And as the morning star rose his awareness penetrated the subtlest reality and then understood the nature of mind and matter, the totality of existence and that which is beyond existence...there was release from all craving and attachment...the other shore had been reached.  Thus was the Buddha, the "awakened one," born.
Exhausted and defeated, Mara said, "There is no one here.  Who will bear witness to this event, this liberation you have achieved?"  Seeing that there was no human around, the Buddha asked that the Earth herself bear witness...and he reached his right hand down and as his fingers touched the ground the Earth rolled and rumbled in consent (if ever you see a depiction of the Buddha with the fingers of his right hand extended toward the Earth [in Bhumisparshamudra: lit "touching the Earth gesture"], you know that this is the historical Buddha at the moment of enlightenment).  The Buddha then spent the next seven weeks meditating on what it was that he had discovered (the first he remained beneath the Bodhi tree, the second he choose a small mound a few meters away where it is said that he stared unblinkingly at the tree which had sheltered him during his battle, purification and awakening for the entire seven day stretch, the third he spent doing walking meditation, and so on).
After this 49 days, the Buddha debated with himself (and the gods Indra and Brahma) about whether what he had realized was too subtle, too simple, too contrary to standard human thought constructs about the nature of reality, about relationships, instincts, pleasure and pain, craving and aversion, life and death, love and peace...whether there was too much dust in the eyes of humanity for them to really hear the Dharma and achieve the goal of full liberation.  In the end he saw that the veil over the eyes of some was very thin...that it might be lifted...and so out of compassion for all sentient beings, he agreed to begin his 45 year teaching career.  He knew that the five ascetics with whom he had practiced for six years, though they had abandoned him and, at the moment, thought him weak for taking food, would be the most apt to understand the teaching...and so, having seen with his omniscient Buddha eyes the location of his former companions...he began his mindful walk toward Isipatana, where, in the deer park, he would set in motion the wheel of Dharma and bring joy and freedom to countless beings...

As so goes Asher's super duper abridged version of the Life of the Buddha

....so now then....this is gonna be a bit choppy but here we go...

I could try to give a history lesson about this place...and it is pretty interesting how it has gone from the center of pilgrimage and the most significant place in terms of Dharma history to a pile of rubble and back...but I don't want to write about dates and destruction...at least not of that sort.  My arrival in Bodhgaya was pretty epic internally.  It seems like a long time ago now but I remember getting off the bus with the Burmese pilgrims, bidding them farewell and thanking them for their kindness...ending up at the International Meditation Center and then walking over to the Mahabodhi Temple complex.  As I got closer I felt the emotion and thought build inside me...and then I walked in and saw the great big tower of the Mahabodhi Temple and all the monks and the pilgrims...and as I began to move around the upper level it felt like something broke inside me and I was ecstatic.  During my first sit here my whole body lit up with pleasant vibrations...I had insight into anatta (essencelessness, no-Self) and I was able to clearly utilize a meditation technique I had rarely even employed (Shinzen Young's reworking of the classical five aggregates [pancupadanakhando-the "five clinging aggregates of body-rupa, consciousness-vinyana, perception-sanna, feelings/sensations-vedana, mental formations-sankhara which make up the mind-matter phenomenon which we refer to as "I" and through which we experience physical reality and thought] model into "feel/image/talk") before now.  It hasn't been like that every day of course...things have moved up and down, in and out as they do...but it was a nice welcome. In fact, most of the significant lessons I seem to have learned...to be learning here revolve around pain and my relationship to discomfort...but maybe more on that later.

In writing about my retreat in Jaipur back in November, I mentioned that lightening had struck so near the center that I thought something had burst outside my window, and that thunder had shaken my room.  On the third day of my retreat here in Bodhgaya I was doing walking meditation on the roof of the center when a flash caught my eye off to the left.  Though there was no rainfall where I was, I could see that an electrical storm was in full swing not too many kilometers away, in the direction of Gaya.  I thought to myself, "Interesting that the only two lightening storms I have seen while in India have been during retreats...though this one isn't quite as dramatic as the last."  I watched it for a little while, staying mindful of my breath and the weight on my legs and feet, and then headed back downstairs for the group sit.  I sat down next to my fellow meditator (there were only two of us on this retreat), crossed my legs, wrapped myself up, closed my eyes, and tuned in to my body and to the present moment.  About twenty minutes into the sit, I saw, through my eyelids, what would have been a blinding flash had I not already been sense-blind due to my eyes being closed...and then there was a deafening roar...and the building shook...and then the second wave shook it harder and I felt the movement roll through every inch of me...and tears came out of my closed eyes... I am tempted to say that it was something like awe that brought them forth, but I doubt if there was even enough time to have had a proper emotional response...if it was just the continuation of the movement.  And then the power went out till the generator kicked in...and we continued for the rest of the hour in silence, except for the soft sound of the rain.  I don't know what it means if anything...just thought I'd share.  Maybe I'm electromagnetically charged when I'm on retreat haha. 

During my last retreat, I marked in my journal the first time I had made it through a one hour sit cross-legged (as opposed to sitting on a little bench) without moving. (I am aware that this may not be a great feat for some people, but I am a very inflexible person and less than a year ago it was a major challenge for me to sit for 20 minutes like that).  I remember it being a struggle and that I was excited to have done it.  On this last retreat, I did 33 one hour sits (six sits a day for five days and a few more on either side) and didn't budge after the second day.  It's not that I'm bragging or anything...its just that I feel my body adapting and settling into posture...into the practice, and it makes me happy. 

I have so many questions about the practice...about frequencies and waves and vibration...the absolute value of pleasure and pain...about the nature of sense perception and the limitations of the intellect and the depth of the mind...and as has been true on every retreat...I've wanted to write it all down and discuss and all that jazz...but I know that the answers lie not in words or in discussions or in teachings...but at the roots of my own mind and so I will not spend my last couple days here on the computer trying in vain to verbalize...maybe on one of my weaker days haha.  This retreat was a different style of Vipassana from anything I have done in the past...I mean its still Vipassana as outlined in the Mahasatipatthana sutta...it is still insight meditation with an emphasis on objective observation of the four foundations of mindfulness: body, feelings, mind and mental contents...but there were some significant differences...labeling for one.  Goenkaji is strictly anti-verbalization and anti-labeling...and while I understand that that has its place...it was interesting to experiment with this style.  I saw different things.  Something I began to work with in the Jaipur retreat was that the eyes don't see, the ears don't hear, the skin doesn't feel, the tongue doesn't taste and the nose doesn't smell...that this is a misleading linguistic shorthand which contributes to our ignorance of our own nature.  The eyes don't see any more than the lenses in your glasses do...the ears don't hear any more than your earphones listen to your music...and so on.  They are tools...the mind...the mind, through these windows...these tools, experiences external reality...we make up stories and get caught up in them and think that they are real.  During this retreat we learned to simply label "hearing, hearing,"  "chewing, chewing"...etc...and the story slows down.  I recognized with greater clarity the extent to which I was creating my reality...which is total.  There is only vibration...the difference between light and sound is simply frequency...the difference between pleasure and pain is frequency...its just waves and we cling to them and think them material and meaningful...we try to turn the impermanent into permanent and then we suffer as a result...this is an aspect of the primary avijja (ignorance).  What's more than that is that, in order to be perceived by sense and mind, that is, to participate in physical reality...a thing must actually be totally vibratory with no inherent, separated essence...I believe this is a large part of what is meant when Avalokita speaks to Sariputra in the Heart Sutra, "form is emptiness, emptiness is form, form does not differ from emptiness, emptiness does not differ from form"...Ahhh this all sounds hodge podged now...thats part of why I didn't want to get into all of this haha...no time for transitions...but I am just trying to make some notes and talk a little so I can organize later...just let you know what is going through my head.  I was able to recognize part of what it was that the "Mind Only school" (a major contributor to Mahayana Buddhism and Nagarjuna's Madhyamika philosophy 500 years or so after the Buddha's death) saw and what the Buddha was speaking about at the beginning of the Dhammapada about mind preceding all things.  I am learning a great appreciation for walking meditation (another big difference on this retreat is that it included walking meditation as part of the daily practice...five or so hours of it).  Experiencing the air on the top of my foot as it passes from "lift" to "touch". The tattoo on my foot a constant source of joy as I felt that I was bringing the light of awareness to every step.  There's so much more...but its for later I guess...or to be developed...its all still in its infancy anyways...its always hard to remember that every idea is outgrown eventually. 

Somewhere in the course of the retreat, there occurred a shift in terms of how I see myself and this journey, in this place, on this path.  I realized that I no longer fancied myself a pilgrim...this is not the Hajj and this journey is not something I do once so that I can say "I did it" and make a photo album and then go on with my life. I am not here just to chant, pray, make offerings, leave flowers...I mean, those things don't bother me...I do not look down on these practices...and sometimes I participate in them...but its not why I am here. I did not come to pay homage to the stream...I came to enter it.  I am a meditator and a seeker.  Besides, there is no greater respect one can show a teacher than to live in accordance with his teachings. Neither Christ nor the Buddha said "build churches in my honor and make all kinds of sweet smelling offerings"...they taught compassion, meditation, generosity, morality...what they taught was skillful living...they gave a practical blueprint for how to live well with others and with ourselves...and that's all I'll say about that for now.

Some things are becoming clearer...some possibilities are presenting themselves...some of them frighten and excite me...they shake some of my attachments at their roots and challenge my preconceived notions of what my life is "supposed to be."  I know that I feel like I am living up to my potential...that I am happy when I am mindful and quiet, living in the present moment, concentrated...I am tired of scratching at the surface with short retreats...I want answers and I need a closer look at what is going on inside and all around.  I have some deep rooted stuff that needs to be dug up and a few days ain't gonna cut it (no pun intended...alright, maybe a little one).  I will be applying for a long retreat in Burma with a great teacher who studied under Mahasi Sayadaw...a renown monk and meditator, now deceased ...whether or not they will accept me...whether or not I will end up there is in the future, and the future as we all know, is uncertain...but for now I will do what feels right and move with this momentum.

...So last night, I got permission from the head office, bought myself a little netted sitting tent as protection from the mozzies...and spent the night sitting beneath the Bodhi tree...well, alternating between sitting a walking meditation.  There is a little thing that I have been saying over the past few weeks...it really got stuck during the retreat I think, but it doesn't really have a concrete verbal formulation...its a little like..."May I learn the lessons that must be learned...whatever form they take...in order to find true happiness and achieve that which I seek..."  I think part of the reason that it doesn't have an exact formulation is because it is supposed to be a little open...maybe because the unawakened mind, a conditioned view of self can't fully grasp the possibility of a qualitatively different ontological status...but there must be some inkling, otherwise I wouldn't bother trying.  But honestly I think the real reason is because it frightens me...it frightens me because I know how severe some of these afflictions, impurities and obstacles are...and I know that the lessons will have to be equally sever in order to remove them...but...there is a kind of solace in the fear...the fear is a sign that I am pushing toward something real...if all the things that I wish for myself were within my comfort zone...I would never evolve.  I believe that we have to challenge ourselves to goodness (though paradoxically, I see goodness as our natural state...so it seems strange that I would have to push myself so hard to get there haha)...it will not happen unless I work for it.

And tell me, people of Orphalese, what
have you in these houses?  And what is it
you guard with fastened doors?
Have you peace, the quiet urge that reveals
your power?
Have you rememberences, the glimmering
arches that span the summits of the mind?
Have you beauty, that leads the heart
from things fashioned of wood and stone to
the holy mountian?
Tell me, have you these in your houses?
Or have you only the comfort, and the lust
for comfort, that stealthy thing that enters
the house a guest, and then becomes a host,
and then a master?

Ay, and it becomes a tamer, and with hook
and scourge makes puppets of your larger desires.
Though its hands are silken, its heart
is of iron.
It lulls you to sleep only to stand by your
bed and jeer at the dignity of the flesh.
It makes mock of your sound senses, and
lays them in the thistledown like fragile vessels.
Verily the lust for comfort murders the
passion of the soul, and then walks grinning
in the funeral.

But you, children of space, you restless in
rest, you shall not be trapped or tamed.

I went to visit the Sujata stupa (a dilapidated brick stupa similar in appearance to the Ramambar stupa in Kushinagar that is said to mark the location of Sujata's house) and the Sujata temple (which is supposed to mark the spot where the Buddha accepted the rice, milk and honey from the young woman). It doesn't matter to me that much whether or not these are the actual sites...either I feel a connection to the place or I don't...it's what it brings to mind.  I like the character of Sujata very much...she reminds me of Mary Magdalene in that humble-penitent sort of way...I can imagine the awe and total respect...the joy of giving or serving greatness...when Mary washes the Christ's feet with her hair...when Sujata offers the rice, both with downcast eyes, huddled on the Earth.  If it hadn't been for Sujata, there might not be a "middle path."  (This probably is going to feed the whole "behind every great man..." bit haha).
Anyways, I was circumambulating the stupa...a little off from having been up all night and then having slept into the afternoon...a little uncomfortable by how many aggressive little beggars and phony charity-wallahs were trying to get at me.  Without going into too much detail, my mind wandered into thoughts of different variations on corruption and injustice and various socio-economic and bureaucratic political nonsense...and then seeing that I was becoming a little worked up...took a step back and experimented with some perspectives and tried to find some equanimity with the state of the world, with the state of my mind, and with the uncertainty that the future holds.  I must learn to be satisfied with as little as possible...to be content with what is and not what could be (I would like to preemptively clarify that statement and say that I am not speaking about external passivity or inaction, but about acceptance and an appropriate response based on mindful consideration...if positive change is possible in a given situation, I work for it...but one must learn to be equanimous with those things that cannot be helped...otherwise, as Shinzen Young would say, one of the burn-out/bum-out/freak-out trio is inevitable).  I must develop the eyes to see the breath as my home...the sensations of the body as my closest and dearest friends...compassion as my religion...the health of the body as my greatest wealth.  I must see hearing, tasting and smelling as sense and accept with gratitude that which the Earth and other beings offer me as I move through daily life.  I must develop the eyes to see in this way.
Making my way with my bicycle rickshaw driver from the stupa to the temple...we ended up driving through a dirt poor farming village...(I had been warned about this area just a few hours before).  "Hello money?"  "From where, money?"...that was the chant...closed down schools and boarded up health clinics and small children with no pants...it was difficult and I recognized that stress was present, helplessness and anger.  A friend used to tell me when we'd discuss certain people and situations and misery in the world that it was their karma and that to some extent, though it may be in indirect and complex ways, people choose their environment, etc....and I'm not saying that I disagree outright...but that was never enough for me...and what I saw today after thinking about the above...is what I see as the flip side of it...a key element of the Buddha's teachings is that anyone can achieve lasting happiness and liberation.  There are happy rich people and miserable rich people...there are happy poor people and miserable poor people...I do not see a direct correlation between material wealth and satisfaction (in fact, sometimes I think that there is an inverse relationship looking at America).  I felt less of a need to turn away from it when I recognized  that anyone can achieve happiness through their own efforts...that the only real obstacles lie in the mind...not in the external world. Shinzen also talks about "being the master of every situation"...that there are times in our lives where we feel like we have no control...where we feel like slaves...but that it is possible, even then to be the master of the moment.  We make a choice every moment to be in the present, to acknowledge and accept, to actively participate...or to blind ourselves to reality.  For most of us, the choice is so subtle and we've been so conditioned to feel helpless that we don't even know we are making it...but it is there.  (That being said...this whole idea is still at war with the fact that a human being does need some basic necessities in order to live healthily and work well...the ascetics in the time of the Buddha lived off of the kindness and generosity of a community that supported their work, who acknowledged that what the Sangha was doing was important...that it benefited all beings...created a better quality of life for everyone...this was of course before the great darkness that is modern economic theory as developed by Adam Smith in which an almost total misinterpretation of Darwinian evolutionary theory dominates and competition is thought to actually be of greater service to the individual than sharing and mutual support)...Alright, I'm getting a little far afield...I told you it'd be choppy...there are just so many things that go through the mind...and I enjoy sharing.

Oh...and I'm going to Sri Lanka!! I leave Bodhgaya in a couple days on a train bound for Delhi...and then I leave Delhi for Colombo.  I will spend just under two weeks with Bhante Matale Wijewansa Thero (the monk I met in Lumbini) at his monastery, where he has kindly offered to teach me and guide my practice, and then will return to Delhi with a week or so to decide whether or not I want to zip around the north before coming back your way.  I planned on writing more about this...the change of plans and the re-change of plans...what it was that cleared up and what it was I had to let go of but...like most other things I planned to write to you about...it will be a story for another day.

Good lord...now that that small percentage of whats been going on in my head is out there...I hope you are all well...I am going to go enjoy my last 48 hours in this most sacred of places...

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma sambuddhassa